It’s hard to keep up with my life sometimes. I relocated from one apartment to another in the past 5 years faster than I could empty out boxes from my previous move, I would repack my bags even before I’ve fully adjusted to a new place, and I would say goodbye to neighbors, landlords, and caretakers before I’ve even memorized their names.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the thrill that comes with starting over, checking out real estates, holding a plane ticket in my hand, and being in places outside the comforts of my zone. It’s just that.. I’ve never really been anywhere that far. No matter how much I loved all my solo adventures, I’ve always found comfort in the fact that my mother is just in the next city, or that my travels don’t usually extend longer than just a couple of days.
And can I just say, I hate hate hate packing more than anything in the world?? Also, having to say goodbye to people I love. I wish there’s a way I could skip those parts. I wish I could just magically transport everything in my life and take them with me wherever I go. I wish mothers were like pocket-sized mirrors so I could take mine from out of my pocket whenever I start feeling lost, alone, and in need of directions. I wish there’s a way I could put all my loved ones in one place so I won’t have to pack, say goodbye, adjust and readjust all the time. I wish, I wish, I wish.
In a couple of days, I would start stuffing my suitcases again (when I just settled back home, ahh, the story of my life!). And while this is just a trip and not really a permanent change of address (at least not yet), my mind reels with all the preparations and adjustments and homesickness and emotional attachments that are going to strike me from all directions.
It’s tiring, all this moving around, and I’ve contemplated whether or not this is the kind of life that I wanted one too many times.
On the upside, I’ve somehow acquired skills that let me cope more easily whenever time calls forth big and small changes in my life. I’ve learned to acknowledge that all these years of temporarily changing addresses, and being in situations where I have to figure things out on my own, are God’s way of making me strong and preparing me for more permanent things.
You have no idea how much that excites me and scares me at the same time.
That is my favorite feeling in the world (maybe next to love). Being excited and scared at the same time!
I am excited for you, Riz. Everything you’ve dreamt of for the months I’ve been reading your blog is happening :)
Yay!