It may be a running joke, that you lose track of your age when you reach 30, but it actually happens. These days, when someone asks me how old I am, I have to stop for a moment, think hard, and compute years in my head.
Maybe forgetfulness comes with age. Maybe there are more important things to think about. Maybe we don’t want to be reminded that we’re getting old. Then again, maybe age doesn’t really matter. One thing I’m sure of, birthdays have never been the same since these two (and their Daddy!) happened in my life, each year better than the last. Simpler, quieter, but more meaningful than ever.
This year I had some much-needed quality time (and impromptu dinner!) with family, a box of cupcakes, lots of hugs and kisses, lots of time to reflect and slow down. Just the way I like it.
On my birthday, God’s word for me was short and sweet:
Do not fear.
And once again I marvel at how He knows exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. He knows how much fear has been crippling me lately! Fears of regretting my choices, not being able to meet expectations, losing opportunities, failing at motherhood, creepy stalkers, planes crashing, sickness, earthquakes, death.
Seriously, if “Over Analyst” is a profession, I’ll take the job. I’m ten thousand steps ahead of anything which is sometimes good when I need to make calculated steps, but oftentimes unnecessary and paralyzing. Overanalyzing is natural to me, and lately, my thoughts have become fears and they’ve consumed me more than I can handle. The struggle is real.
It dawned on me that my fears have started to alter the way I see myself in light of God’s character and sovereignty. They make me focus on my circumstances, my inability, and the cruelty of this world, rather than focus my eyes on God’s love, goodness, and omnipotence.
Do not fear. I am with you. I am your God.
How else can anyone dwell on her fears if she has THAT assurance?
Sure, there will always be trials and suffering and tribulations in this world, and we’re human beings who are prone to wander (and in my case, prone to overthink). But the God who created the universe is with me, and He happens to be in control of this life.
I’m holding on to that promise. And I’m ready to face another year with so much hope and excitement in my heart. The Lord is with me. He is my God. I need not fear.
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