A Year of Seeking and Finding

I had to catch my breath. 2017 was like running an invisible marathon—I mean, wasn’t that the fastest year ever? It sure felt that way to me.

Today, in tradition of processing the past year, here’s me wrapping up 2017 in a nice little bow. Also in tradition of cataloging each year by its corresponding One Word, here it is for 2017: SEEK.

Year 2017 in One Word: Seek

When 2017 started, I was obsessed (for lack of a better word) with seeking the answer to the question “what’s next, Lord?“

I’ve been feeling stuck long enough, about ready to chase after the next big thing, and fully aware that my prayers (and cries for help!) have started sounding like a broken record.

But I also know that I wouldn’t move an inch if I didn’t see a clear GO signal from God. I was determined to seek answers and find clarity, and I came into 2017 with every intention to get just that.

I also had a picture in my head of where I wanted to be when the year ended. Spoiler alert: 2017 didn’t happen as I pictured it, but God did show me what it really means to seek Him.

This season of seeking transcended all areas of my life: marriage, motherhood, family, career/business, ministry.

• My husband David finished Nursing School last year, and there’s the question of where to practice his profession and how that would translate into our family dynamics.
• Dawn and Rain turned 5 years old, and there’s the question of what school to enroll them and how their current needs would affect our budget, schedule, life.
• My career has been stagnant. I’m on my 5th year with Spira but because of my remote, work-from-home status, it’s also impossible to fully immerse myself and grow in the company; hence the question of how I see my career moving forward, and again, how it would affect our family.
• Chasing Dreams, meanwhile, mostly operated on the content I published in 2016 (you gotta love evergreen content!), plus a handful of design clients I could squeeze into my calendar. But then there’s that quittage that happened in September, hence the question, was it the end for Chasing Dreams?

In retrospect, seeking was really just an extension of remaining. If 2014-2015 were packed with action—the pursuit of passions, the chasing of dreams—2016-2017 were a lot more quiet and retrospective in nature.

I spent a lot of time asking God questions, seeking answers, and overanalyzing all the things. (Not like I haven’t already spent my whole life doing just that.)

What’s next, Lord? 

Please answer, answer, answer.

Ironically, “seek” came truly alive in my life when none of my questions were answered the way I expected, and none of the requests I asked were granted the way I hoped.

The answers had mostly been NO and WAIT. And when His answer looked like a YES, I trembled in fear, doubted, got paralyzed. (Haynaku Riz!)

Hence a lot of struggling, a lot of wrestling with God, and a lot of doubting whether or not I was hearing Him right.

In the end, I was gently rebuked and reminded that seeking God is not really about finding answers, but living each day with an earnest desire to know Him more and to abide in Him whatever His answers may be.

As 2017 came to an end, our “picture” looked like this:

• We left our apartment in Quezon City and moved back to live with my Mom. My ancestral home has a lot of empty rooms. ;)
• David started working as an OPD Nurse in a private clinic nearby.
• We officially enrolled Dawn and Rain at Homeschool Global.
• We soft-launched our new passion business, Lettergram.

This isn’t the whole picture of course. Anything you read on blogs and social media is not the whole picture, after all. :)

I can say, though, that it’s quite a detour from how I pictured 2017 was going to be. And yet there’s peace, and excitement, and the quiet assurance that we are just where God wants us to be.

I came into 2017 wanting “ALL THE THINGS” that was promised in Matthew 6:33 (Yep, that verse we all love to sing, and quote, and claim.)

Seek Ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.

I came out of it knowing that HE is all we need, everything else is up to Him.

The rest of the story is yet to unfold, and this year we’re TRUSTING Him to have His way in us. :)

And now that that has been put on record, I’m ready to get 2018 rolling! Let’s do this.