So one day we took a break from the usual white pambahay onesies and dressed the twins up for a photo op. I guess we were too excited to be stage parents we forgot that 3-week old babies (and prematures at that!) don’t exactly pose and intentionally smile for the camera.
So my husband and I ended up just watching them flail their arms, drool, and fall asleep in their colorful onesies and tiny ribbons while we went trigger-happy with our cameras. ‘Guess our babies are not ready for their modeling careers just yet. Haha.
Earlier this year, when we found out we were pregnant with twins, we thought that it was a miracle because we didn’t have twins in both our lineage. Although being able to conceive twins (however way they were conceived) is still as miraculous as it can get, we realized later on in our pregnancy that twins actually run in the family.
Specifically, in my Dad’s side of the family.
Apparently, we have a couple of distant relatives in my father’s side who have twins.
I’ve always been thankful to have inherited my Dad’s genes, but now I realize that these chubby, choleric genes I carry are actually twin-bearing genes too! Thanks, Dad!
I wish Dawn & Rain could have met their Lolo Bob, the genetic reason why there’s two of them. But I’m glad that death couldn’t get in the way of them knowing him. Someday we’ll tell them stories about their Lolo and they’ll know that they’re part of a line of brilliant, charming, twin-bearing, Jesus-loving people.
Marking this experience in this blog, before it becomes a distant memory.
My room of “deliverance”, for everything the word means.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.”
~Psalm 34:4
Whoever said that child birth is such a beautiful experience has set my expectations up too high. In my experience, the only moment that was beautiful about it was when I heard Dawn & Rain’s first cries—Rain first, and 2 minutes later, Dawn. The rest of it was like a nightmare (or a bad horror movie!) that I just wanted over and done with, and now I’m glad was over.
Emergency confinement
What should have been my weekly OB check-up led to an emergency confinement starting Saturday, October 20. I was having contractions and my cervix was open 2 cm. I was so huge I could hardly breathe. I stayed in the labor room for days, away from my husband and family who could only come see me during meals.
I was only on my 34th week and therefore had to stop contracting (it wasn’t time!). The babies needed steroids for lung development in case I needed to go into c-section earlier than expected. Which is exactly what happened. As soon as I reached my 35th week, my OB decided it was time.
Which part of the whole birthing experience was beautiful again?
The part that was blurry
It was bloody, scary, painful, uncomfortable. I felt like a frog being dissected like a Science experiment. The epidural, the scalpel, the doctors in scrubs, the smell of blood and alcohol, the numbing sensation from the anesthesia—it was the scariest ride of my life!
But then there was that moment, when I finally heard Dawn and Rain breathe their first breaths. Tiny little cries filled the room two minutes apart at 12:06AM and 12:08AM of October 24.
It was the most beautiful thing—perhaps the only beautiful thing—about this childbirth.
My babies, whose moves I knew so well when they were inside of me, I finally heard them cry for the first time! Love and relief overflowed within me, and I reckon this is one of those moments mothers can truly say, “it was all worth it.”
Needless to say, there were a lot of tears when I finally carried Dawn in my arms, and when Rain first held on to my finger.
They’re sooo beautiful.
Yes, yes! A hundred times yes. They are worth all of it.
Extended stay
I was discharged from the hospital 4 days later but Dawn & Rain had to stay in their incubators. Rain came out 4.6 lbs and Dawn, 4.9 lbs. That’s a good weight for twins, but they still came out 2 weeks short. Everyday we drop by to pump milk and check on the girls.
On the upside, I was able to recover a bit before I finally attacked the world of motherhood. First few days back home was a challenge; I felt weak, and tired, and the wound was just too painful! I can’t imagine being able to take care of two babies like that.
Learning to stand on my own took some time, too. Family and friends are in and out of the house to bring us food in microwavable containers and to help us with errands.
Home sweet home
Shortly after, on October 31, Dawn and Rain were cleared to go home. And home we went.
God and His grand scheme of things, what can I say? Praise Him for His perfect timing, and for being Who He says He is.
When I thought I wasn’t prepared enough, He filled in the gap. When I couldn’t stand on my own, He gave me hands to hold on to. When I was held in solitary confinement in the labor room, away from my husband and my family, He was the one who was with me every second of the way.
My birthing experience may not be my most favorite experience in the world, but having Dawn & Rain now, safe and healthy and absolutely beautiful, sure makes it all worth it.
I remember that day we took our babies home. My husband and I sat at the back of the car, carrying Dawn & Rain in our arms like two kids who just received their most precious Christmas gifts. First-time parents, we each held one baby ever so gently, a little unsure if we’re doing it right. They’re so tiny.. and beautiful.
I couldn’t remember ever being handed blessings more precious than these. I seriously don’t know what God is thinking when He thought of entrusting us such beautiful gifts, but ok Lord, we’ll take it, thank you. (Also I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying the word “beautiful” at the thought of our twins.)
Just marking that moment now, because it’s one of those moments you’ll never ever want to forget.
