Healing

Last week Rain caught a bad case of flu, and if you’re a Mommy, you would know that nothing is more important than a sick baby. Everything had to be placed on hold. I skipped Worship Service on Sunday morning to be with the twins, and by Sunday night we had to take Rain to the ER of a nearby hospital because she refused to take medicines and had little to no intake of liquids and food.

I filed an Emergency Leave on Monday, knowing that there was no way I could work on anything at all with Rain like that. Thankfully, Dawn had a better appetite than her sister so we didn’t have problems feeding her and getting her to take their meds. But Rain.. it’s probably the worst state we’ve seen her so far, and there was a lot of crying, from both Rain and—when the lights were out—me. 

Rain was clingy, not wanting to be put down the whole time. The only things I could do with one free hand was scroll through my phone, reply to emails with one hand, or read a book. So read a book, I did.

The truth is, I haven’t read a book in years, and what a way to go back to reading! I made a mental note to not wait until sickness strikes again before I read another one.

Normi happened to have lent me her copy of 100 Years From Now by Pastor Steve Murell, and it spoke to me in soooo many levels that, by the time I finished reading it (two days, tops), it felt like I experienced some form of healing myself. It’s hard to explain how a book that talks about the history of a church I don’t even go to made me feel so alive and affirmed of my calling as a mother, but it did.

Let’s just say, I’ve been having an existential crisis for the past couple of months, disappointed at myself for not being able to meet everyone’s expectations of me outside of being a Mom.

Except maybe on Mother’s Day, motherhood is, sadly, not a widely talked about topic in places like work or church, that it sometimes sounds like being a Mom is a “secondary” or “temporary” calling, next only to your career or church ministries. Being a new mom to young children is hard enough as it is; not being affirmed of this calling makes you feel even more burnt out.

While it isn’t really the highlight of the book, Pastor Steve Murrell affirms how important family is, why we should fight for it, and why it’s okay (and even sacred!) to place your family on top of everything, yes, including your work and your ministry.

I can talk about the book for hours; take me out on a coffee date and I’ll tell you more about my takeaways from the book. But my most important takeaways are the ones that are related to family and seeing your family as, not only a basic unit of the society, but the basic unit of the church and your ministry.

“Family is the foundation and validation of ministry,” the book says. I feel so empowered to do what the Lord has called me to do, as a wife, a mom, and an ambassador of this foundational truth.

Rain woke up on Wednesday morning feeling so much better, no more fever, and with a big smile on her face. I was up watching her when she opened her eyes. She cheerfully said “Hi!” and then she hid under her blankie which prompted me to say, “Where’s Rainy?” (It’s our hide-and-seek game.) And then she took the blankie off her face, revealing a huge smile! “There you are!” I said.

You have no idea how happy I was to see that smile on her face again. And at that very moment, I felt God smiling upon me too, and I knew then that I was right where He called me to be.

It was our 3rd wedding anniversary on the same week, and surely there was a lot to celebrate, especially knowing that Rain and Dawn are out of danger zone. My Mom dropped by to watch over the twins while D and I sneaked out for a quick anniversary date. It was a particularly difficult week; still, it never fails to amaze me how God would use our circumstances to affirm us of our calling and to keep us going in its pursuit.

I realised that it wasn’t just Dawn & Rain who were healed last week. I myself received some of that healing too.