Category: Journal

The Happy and Sad Parts of Christmas

Rhiza1 Comment

Christmas 2021. I have a thing for Christmas. As a (Filipino) pastor’s kid, I grew up in an environment where Christmas is celebrated in a huge way. Christmas hymns blasted from our car stereo as soon as the “ber” months began; my Mom would wrap a bazillion presents for every cousin, every kid, and every family we know; all Sundays of December were booked months ahead with church festivities, multiple Christmas parties, family reunions, you name it. We had a schedule that would put Santa’s Google calendar to shame, not that we were taught to believe in Santa. And young Rhiza looked forward to all of it and thought Christmas was the best thing ever.

Everything drastically shifted when my Dad passed in 2006. As a young (ish) single woman, my heart was ripped apart, leaving behind a daddy-shaped hole that I tried to fill with stuff that never measured up. I have recollections of bittersweet Christmas gatherings, gazing longingly at an empty seat. And even as I was surrounded by an overwhelming love from friends and family, not to mention a mother who’s played both parental roles to the best of her abilities, there is no denying the sadness that simply.. hovered over everything.

I remember a particular Christmas where I slept my way through the entire holiday, thanks to an imported bottle of sleep aids from CVS. For the first time in my life I understood the melancholy of Christmas, why some of the most played Christmas songs are sad songs, why suicide rates are particularly high in what should be the most wonderful time of the year. The pressure to be festive is upon all of us, the internal struggle is real.

And yet again everything shifted when David, Dawn & Rain were added into my life.

A new purpose rekindled my Christmas spirits, to create new traditions and make the season magical for our daughters while I can, for as long as I can.

I found a new passion for wrapping up presents, listing down new Christmas movies to watch, adding new ornaments to the tree, finding new meaning to old Christmas songs. I started looking forward to Christmas mornings again, excited to hear Dawn and Rain’s squeals of delight when they open their gifts (“this is the best gift ever!,” says Rain, at every gift she opens), unicorns and pop-its, another shiny backpack, another box of stationery, more art supplies, new pairs of kicks.

This time around, Christmas is not only merry and bright, it is nuanced by loss and grief and a realization that the space our loved ones vacated in our lives will never be replaced by new people or new memories.

* * *

When I was younger I thought sadness cancelled happiness. What I didn’t understand then was how these polar concepts could co-exist.

I suppose that’s the kind of understanding gained only through time, and through pain.

When David’s Mama passed on this year, I thought I already knew how to navigate grief and to support him through it. Been there, done that, right? It took a minute to realize that grief is as fragile and as unique as a snowflake. No grief is ever the same, people cope differently, and when we add the mechanics of a global pandemic into the mix, we find that we have to learn to let go and to grieve in a new way too.

This Christmas we all fought the fight of being grateful for what we (still) have in the midst of longing for what was lost.

We learned, collectively, that grief comes in waves. One minute it feels like a heartache that crushes us from the inside, triggered by something as trivial as an empty seat, a Bible verse, his old necktie still hanging by an old closet, her favorite Christmas song.

And for a brief moment, we let the tears freely flow. We allow ourselves to remember the last Christmas we spent with them, the last present we gave and received, the last memory, the last photograph.

And if we’re given the space, we talk about them, we relive all the vivid details all over again like we haven’t before, and we laugh as we wipe the tears.

And then an overwhelming peace washes over us, and we acknowledge that the immeasurable pain we feel is proof that we loved.

There’s an old lesson to be learned here. A reminder to hold our loved ones tighter, literally if we could, and if we couldn’t, hold space for them in our hearts.

To love without conditions, even when it’s tempting to be angry, or bitter, or indifferent.

To be kind because everyone is fighting a tough battle.

To treasure each Christmas as if it’s the last.

* * *

This year has taught us that the things we thought couldn’t co-exist actually should. Sadness and happiness, absence and presence, grief and joy.

I don’t know who needs to hear this now but it’s okay to make space for both. Because the truth is, we cannot really, profoundly and fully, experience nor understand one without the other.

I wasn’t planning to write about grief when I started this post but I suppose it’s impossible to write about Christmas 2021 any other way.

We wish you and your family good tidings of comfort and joy this Christmas and the year ahead! Merry Christmas.

Photographs by Sheila Catilo.

Counting the Days, and Making the Days Count

Rhiza2 Comments

It’s the first day of November and day 231 of this lockdown.

Most of you probably stopped counting the days but, as someone who can count on one hand all the times she left the house in the past 8 months, I might as well just keep counting.

And so it has been 231 days figuring out this “new normal”. For our household, grocery runs are the only essential trips we accommodated in the entirety of this lockdown, and thankfully the only essential trips we need to take so far. And by “we” I mean mostly my husband. (Bless his heart!)

Mask up, face shield on, alcohol spray in one pocket, and cashless payment on standby so that the cashier doesn’t need to return change; and once back home, groceries to go through an elaborate disinfection process, and grocery runner to head straight to the bathroom to wash any hint of the virus away.

As trivial as grocery shopping used to be, we know that this fairly normal activity is not going back to the way it was, at least for the foreseeable future.

Just like most things in the world.

Needless to say, I am also totally conscious of the fact that my family and I have never been *physically* stuck in one place for this long.

Just like most of you.

As some parts of the world started opening up and loosening some restrictions, the Covid situation where we are have not really progressed, hence our decision to stay sheltered in place. Where we are, children below 15 are still not allowed to go out of the house. There really isn’t much of a choice.

That said, I do acknowledge our unique privilege—to have the kind of work that can be done remotely, to have established homeschooling long before Covid happened, and to have the means to stay home.

I am fully aware that others don’t have the same privilege and my heart goes out to those who have to physically battle it out there, to be in the frontlines of this pandemic, to commute under these circumstances, or to shift to distance learning in the middle of the school year, without much of a choice.

I want to acknowledge this privilege before I start writing about chasing dreams again (or whatever it is I’m prompted to publish on this space).

I don’t want to come out of my virtual cave and resume regular programming as if nothing happened; as if the bandaid has not been ripped off, lives are not lost, and the world is not wounded and hurting.

How does one chase dreams in this new normal anyway, and in the midst of anxiety and uncertainty?

How do we inspire others to keep going, to not give up on their dreams?

And how do we do this whilst being mindful of the reality that people out there are fighting battles that are unimaginable, risking their lives for others, navigating through grief and loss, and/or barely surviving to even think about dream-chasing?

Whilst I have all of these questions, it brings me a sense of comfort to know that I don’t need to have the answers. For the first time in all my years being on the internet, I don’t feel the need to apologise for turning off social media, leaving some messages unread, or ruthlessly curating my social feeds to block unnecessary noise.

In the same way, when I feel prompted to reach out or to speak up, I also don’t hesitate to send that random “Hello, how are you?“, or to retweet a Joe Biden ad or two (or okay maybe more).

2020 has been everything we didn’t ask for nor expect (and more!) and I am one to appreciate the collective understanding and the unspoken permission we have granted each other:

That we’re allowed to cope in ways we’re comfortable with and are necessary to get through this year.

Whether that means tuning out the noise so we can focus internally, loving on our families, and quietly making an impact in our smaller circles of influence—our children, the people we work with and do life with, the communities we support. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, turning to social media to connect, to lobby, to advocate, to make our voice heard. Whatever makes sense in the given moment.

I hope wherever you are today you are choosing to see 2020 for all the good that came out (and can come out) of it instead of dwelling on all the terrible things it exposed.

I hope that you’re taking steps towards healing, whatever healing means for you, one brave step at a time.

I hope that more than just counting the days, you are making each day—each moment, each social media post, each conversation, your vote, your voice—count.

And when all of this is over, I hope we will collectively remember 2020 as the year that God turned things around for the better and made us stronger, kinder, braver.

In the meantime, while many things are beyond our control, I hope you’re making the few ones still within your control, count.

It’s been a while. Thank you for sticking around.

Love,
Riz

Wrapping up the Past Decade in a Bow

Rhiza1 Comment

A tad too late to the decade-ender party but as always taking my time to process it all—the decade that has passed, the new one that has just begun. I started writing this post in December, only to write up the last paragraph while in quarantine. Ha! I’ll save the quarantine thoughts for another post, this one is dedicated to the decade that was.

If you told me at the end of 2009 that I’ve already met the man I was going to marry and that he and I would be raising twin daughters 3 years later, I would have laughed (or ugly cried) in disbelief. I was 26 years old, moving on from a bad breakup, unhappy with my job, ending an apartment lease and not knowing yet where to move next, basically crying myself to sleep at night and wallowing in self-pity.

2009 was not exactly the best of years for me, and let me just add that it was also the year I contracted H1N1. Needless to say, I could not wait for 2009 to be over.

And so when 2010 began, it felt like God forced a restart button in my life.

I wish I could say I let Him freely do it. The truth is, I fought hard, resisted, complained, refused to let go, and drove myself to a dead end and right through the cliff. But because it felt like it couldn’t really get any worse than that, there was also no way to go but up.

Fast forward to a decade later, the start of 2020, I honestly couldn’t have predicted that this is the life God was setting me up for.

I still sometimes stare at my sleeping daughters, weirded out that they’re mine. And I still often catch myself staring at David with a dorky smile on my face, remembering that he’s the same 17-year-old boy who sang me love songs and wrote me love letters from thousands of miles away and yes, he’s your husband, silly, for 8 years now.

As much as I’d like to avoid making this a rehash of our love story, it’s just impossible to ponder upon the past 10 years apart from David. After all, 2010 was when it all began—the one-way ticket, the saying of I do’s, the union of two lives. Our calendars and closet spaces and wallets and dreams have been tightly intertwined since.

Somehow between the years 2010 to 2019, David and I became husband and wife, life partners, business partners, parents to twin daughters, homeschoolers, him a Registered Nurse, me a mother.

And somehow in those years, said twin daughters grew, crawled, started walking, started talking non-stop, started homeschooling, turned 7 years old, and last time I checked, started losing baby teeth.

But as with any significant and meaningful growth, we had to go through seemingly endless stretching, and pruning, and wrestling with God, and getting back up on our feet, and healing, and moving forward. Rinse, repeat.

The decade is marked with itineraries that didn’t materialize, calendars that kept changing, bucket lists left unchecked, empty suitcases stored at the back of the closet indefinitely. There was a lot of dreaming and letting go of those dreams. A lot of waiting and working hard for a YES but getting a NO instead.

In retrospect, all of this growth is not possible without having to let go of old dreams to make room for new ones, and without letting God close doors so we can step into new ones — and only the best ones.

Photographs by Jamie

For me, 2010 felt like a hard restart. And now, 2020 feels just like it.. but on steroids.

Seriously though, 2020 is something else huh?? This pandemic, this lockdown, the natural (and man-made!) calamities striking the world at all sides, there’s really no knowing how this new decade is going to play out and how to navigate it.

All I know is, a decade from now the twins will be 18, and David & I will have more white hairs and wrinkles, hopefully still strong enough (and feeling young enough) to keep chasing dreams, and maybe living some of those old dreams.

And God! God will still be good, and He will still be God. And for all the things I don’t know about this new decade, the certainty of His goodness is good enough for me.

Take that, 2020.

Thank you, Jamie, for these photographs.

10 Classic Holiday Movies to Inspire the Creative in You

Rhiza3 Comments

Originally published in 2017. But.. it’s that time of the year so I’m bringing this up. ;)

Growing up with about a hundred cousins, Christmas gatherings and family reunions were huge parts of my childhood. I enjoyed the company of my cousins and somehow that made me believe I was a party-going social butterfly and Christmas parties are the only way to do Christmas.

I couldn’t have been more wrong about myself. As I got older, I realised I prefer Christmasses to be quiet, intimate, and cozy.

Late night movie marathons with my husband when the twins have gone to sleep is pretty high up on my grownup Christmas list. Give me cups of hot choco, a blanket, and the faint glow of a twinkly Christmas tree and I’m so there. 

I did a quick Google search for movies to watch this holiday season and I’m surprised to find Christmas movie lists that don’t really suit my taste. And by “my taste” I mean, (1) family-oriented (2) romantic comedies, (3) usually set in some of the most iconic cities in the world, (4) with fall or winter season as backdrop, and (5) with main characters that are more or less in the creative field. 

So I started making this Christmas movie list!

Let’s get to it.

1. You’ve Got Mail

While I don’t really intend to rank these movies, it felt right to place You’ve Got Mail at the top of the list. Y’all know that the plot actually started in the Fall (ehem, “Don’t you just love New York in the fall?“) and ended sometime in Spring, where we find Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) and Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) smooching at Riverside Park.

But some of its prettiest moments happened in the Christmas season.

Who would forget Kathleen putting up Christmas lights by her book shop’s window display (“Meanwhile, I’m going to put up more twinkling lights“), or when they had a “first date” at Cafe Lola? Uhm, not me.

You've Got Mail Shop Around the Corner

You've Got Mail Cafe Lola

What inspires me

Every time I watch this movie I feel like wanting to put up my own shop around a corner somewhere! (Tell me you feel the same way.) What Kathleen went through as a small business owner, competing against big “theme park, multi-level, homogenize-the-world mochaccino land” brands, is something relatable to us creatives. The love story is the icing on the cake, but Kathleen’s journey as a passionate, book-loving, female shop owner living in New York City (who occasionally lurked around online chatrooms), is everything in this movie.

As Frank so eloquently typed on his typewriter, she was “a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly in the corrupt sands of commerce.” (I am seriously typing these lines from memory.) She sold children’s books not only to make a living but also because it was her passion, her family’s legacy.

And then, of course, we know that she had to bravely close shop, and don’t we all find ourselves in that same crossroad every now and then? Closing chapters and letting go to make room for, you know, life things?

You’ve Got Mail is a classic, and yes, it just had to be #1 on my list.

2. Serendipity

These first two movies are probably my most favorite romantic comedies of all time (is it just me the rom coms of the 90s are the best??).

The movie started during a busy holiday season, where Sarah Thomas (Kate Beckinsale) and Jonathan Trager (John Cusack) met in the middle of a jampacked Bloomingdale’s. And y’all know that the story ended a year later, on a cold December night at the Wollman Rink in Central Park.

On a personal note, there’s something incredibly inspiring about being in New York in the last quarter of the year! The cold weather, the holiday rush, the lights, the fashion, Central Park, Serendipity’s frozen hot chocolate. Ahh. <3

Serendipity

Serendipity Movie Casiopia

What inspires me

There’s a lot in the movie that inspires me, but I want to specifically cite Jonathan’s pretend-eulogy, written by Dean, his obituary-writing best friend, “Even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan.”

Sure it was about a boy and a girl serendipitously meeting each other in the most romantic of cities, letting each other go, and somewhat finding each other again. But underneath the love story are so many other things about life, and passion, and knowing that, yes, life is not a series of meaningless coincidences. Everything that happens in our journey—the good and the bad—ultimately leads us to the center of Wollman Rink, whatever Wollman Rink represents in your life.

3. The Family Man

I’m surprised to know that not a lot of people I know are familiar with this one. It’s a Nicholas Cage drama, and I suppose we’re all not used to Nicholas Cage being, well, a family man? (Here’s the 2000 trailer.)

In the movie, he played Jack Campbell, a Wall Street investment broker who had everything he wanted in life until he was given a glimpse into what he was really missing. By some magic, he woke up to a life he would have lived if he chose to marry his college girlfriend Kate—a tire salesman living in Jersey with two kids—which is a million times different from his luxurious Wall Street lifestyle and bachelor existence.

I love Kate Reynolds (Tea Leoni), both her “glimpse” and her present self. In the “glimpse”, she was a nonprofit lawyer who chose family over a high paying career. In reality, when Jack didn’t marry her, she became a successful corporate lawyer in Manhattan and had a bright future waiting for her in Paris. I think she would have lived a successful and passionate life, either way. :)

Family Man

familyman2

What inspires me

The story was all about the sacrifices that come with choosing family life over career, or vice versa. I think that regardless of the path they chose, both Jack and Kate would end up living passionate lives anyway; and as it is a fictional love story, they would end up together anyway. And I like that!

My husband and I talk about these scenarios a lot. Like, what if we had set aside our life together for a few more years, didn’t marry each other (yet) and prioritized our careers… Would we have ended together still? Would we have a better life? Or then again, would we have missed out the adventure of pursuing our dreams together?

Point is, I’m not one to say that family life is better than a career, or being married and having children is better than being single. I think regardless of our statuses and seasons in life, kids or not, single or married, we can always choose to be content and happy and passionate.

Well, that went too deep too fast. You should really watch The Family Man!

4. Stuck in Love

This one’s a story about a family of writers who struggled with their creative processes in the midst of their challenges as a family. William (Greg Kinnear), a world-renowned writer with several bestsellers under his name, was separated from his wife Erica (Jennifer Connelly). Quite the stubborn ex-husband, William spent the past two Thanksgivings setting up a spot in the table for her, believing that someday she would come back.

Meanwhile, their children Samantha (Lily Collins) and Rusty (Nat Wolff) had to witness all of the drama and to live through their weird family dynamics. Sam, who has become cynical about love and marriage, hated her mother for leaving their father, eventually writing her first fiction novel with true-to-life references to her parents’ failure at love.

She and Rusty grew up wanting to be writers, mostly because of their father’s pressure and influence (and quite possibly genes) but had to struggle through their father’s high expectations. As William pressured his children to write, he struggled with writing himself.

In all of these, everyone in the family ended up finding love, and each other. And then of course I love the soundtrack. And Kirsten Bell’s cameo.

Don’t let me give out all the details! (I’m stopping.) Here’s the 2012 trailer, btw. I really like watching this movie and talking about it. Again, not a lot of people I know have seen it. (Have you? Seen it? Talk to me!!)

Stuck in Love

Stuck in Love

Stuck in Love

What inspires me

For obvious reasons, I love that this was a story about writers and writing—the real-life inspiration behind writing beautiful stories, how writers draw ideas from personal experiences, broken hearts, joy, pain.

William quoted from his favorite books when he gave words of advice to his children, and he had a pretty inspiring speech himself during Sam’s book launch where he addressed other young, aspiring writers. (Here’s the clip.)

“.. I’m not sure I have much to say about it (writing) that could benefit you. I still find it all very mysterious, years after I wrote my first book. And I’m not sure what it is that compels a person to continue to play make-believe even after they’re an adult. 

My favorite book is a collection of short stories by Raymond Carver called What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. In the closing lines of the book, Carver says, ‘I could hear my heart beating. I could hear everyone’s heart. I could hear the human noise we sat there making. Not one of us moved, not even when the room went dark.’ 

And I think that that’s what writing is. Is listening to that beating heart. And when we hear it, it’s our job to decipher it to the best of our abilities.”

Finally (ok, ok I’m done), the story was about different manifestations of love: Love for the art of writing, love for family, love for life. It was about husbands and wives, mothers and daughters, sisters and brothers. I love that Stuck in Love ain’t your ordinary love story. It tackled realistic situations that make or break a family, and I’m glad that in the end, they all decided to let love win.

5. While You Were Sleeping

Another classic, I remember watching this on the big screen with my mom and I think it was about the time I started getting “into” Hollywood romcoms. (Thanks, Mom!) And I probably shouldn’t talk about how I crushed on Bill Pullman for about a year after watching this flick.. yes, you guys, at 12 years old.

It’s one of my most favorite classics to watch, and the Callaghans have become almost like those distant relatives you really like seeing on Christmas.

There’s a bit of everything in the story—about growing up without a family, belonging to a family, dreaming of Florence since you were a little girl, doing a monotonous job that makes you die a little each day, figuring out what your real passion in life is, going through what you thought was just an ordinary day not knowing that it would change your life forever.

While You Were Sleeping

While You Were Sleeping

What inspires me

While Lucy (Sandra Bullock) was the main character of the story, I like Jack (Pullman)’s side-story, where he told his father that he didn’t want to continue doing their family business anymore, instead, he wanted to start his own. A skilled carpenter and furniture designer, Jack decided to do his side business full-time. Relate much? :)

And then there’s Lucy’s closing lines, of course, forever engraved in our minds. “So I had planned to marry Peter, but I married Jack instead. I guess my father was right. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned. But Jack, Jack gave me the best gift, a stamp in my passport. He took me to Florence for our honeymoon. I guess you can say he gave me the world.”

Hearts all over my eyes.

6. Time Travelers Wife

This one’s maybe too heavy for Christmas because there’s a bit of a tragic death in there (it’s not like you don’t already know what happened). But even with that significant plot twist, the story had a lot of happy and funny and heartwarming moments.

Not to mention, Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana. Also, who doesn’t like a love story with a bit of time travel?

Time Traveler's Wife

Time Traveler's Wife

Time Travelers Wife, Clare's Studio

What inspires me

I love the little detail that Clare (Rachel McAdams) was an artist and a few scenes were taken in her little studio by the garage. I think artists have a special way of seeing life and raising a family, and I love how that played out for Clare’s character.

But most of all I love that the story was about appreciating life, and every fleeting moment we get with our loved ones. There’s a moment when Henry, Clare and their daughter Alba sat together by the Christmas tree that just triggers all the feelings. As Henry (Eric Bana) was living on borrowed time, Clare and Alba knew that it was their last Christmas together and there’s no time to lose. It was bittersweet in so many levels, but they did get that rare opportunity to make every moment leading to his death, count.

Makes me think about my own life and what I’d do if today was my last and I had nothing to lose. Brb.

7. The Holiday

Two heartbroken women found each other online: Amanda Woods (Cameron Diaz), a movie trailer producer who lived in a mansion in Los Angeles, and Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet), a column editor who lived in an adorable English cottage in Surrey. Agreeing to trade houses for the holidays, they each found love in the most unexpected ways and their lives became more entangled than they imagined.

And what a treat, to see Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black in one film!

The Holiday

The Holiday

What inspires me

Watching this movie has always inspired me to take risks and to allow myself to make those impulsive decisions sometimes. Amanda and Iris were both heartbroken at the start of the story, which reminds me how breaking up with someone could feel like it’s the end of the world. (It’s not.)

Being married now, I’m glad I never have to go through that kind of pain anymore. However, I do remember that, while breakups could bring about the saddest and most paralyzing feelings ever, it could also feel quite.. liberating. Like you’re given a clean slate and you could start over.

Oan, I was in my early twenties when I first saw this movie and I remember seriously thinking about living in a faraway place and immersing myself in the culture there. Which I somehow did, in a way, when I stayed in New York City for about 2 months in 2010. I would never trade that experience for anything! And by the way, I could definitely have some of that winter. Cameron Diaz’s winter wardrobe is so dreamy!

8. No Reservations

Am I the only one who misses seeing Catherine Zeta-Jones in the big screen? No Reservations was about a control-freak, obsessive-compulsive, strong-willed woman who worked as the executive chef at a restaurant on Bleecker Street. She was passionate about perfecting her recipes and obsessed about her routines. She was also occasionally visiting her therapist to help her process her thoughts and emotions.

Therapy aside, Kate (Zeta-Jones) got everything in her life under control until Zoe (Abigail Breslin), her orphaned niece, and Nick (Aaron Eckhart), a guy she worked with, disrupted her life. She started freaking out and pushing Nick away and dissing at customers and generally making a mess. And don’t we all feel that way sometimes when we lose control of things?

No Reservations

No Reservations

What inspires me

Watching the movie makes me want to master Italian cuisine, or to enroll in a culinary class or something. Kate moves around the kitchen with so much grace, like she’s floating or dancing. And I love how culinary is portrayed as an art in this film, and how the kitchen became the common ground that brought Kate, Nick, and Zoe together.

It’s a rare thing, to find a career that you and your life partner are both passionate about. The end of the story had Nick and Kate quitting their jobs and opening their very own restaurant. Doesn’t that make you want to take a leap of faith too and just do that thing you’ve always wanted to do?

9. The Vow

This isn’t the first time I’m blogging about The Vow. I happened to have seen it when I was pregnant (and excessively hormonal) and blogged after watching it. Which is, by the way, why you don’t want to blog while you’re excessively hormonal.

The Vow was as millennial as any story could be, with two young people defying the norms and leaving behind comfort zones to pursue a life of passion. Paige (Rachel McAdams) left law school to enroll herself in an art institute in Chicago. Leo (Channing Tatum), on the other hand, opened a small recording studio when music production was a dying business. Meeting each other and having an instant connection, Leo and Paige fell in love and got married in a museum (I just love their no-fuss speed-wedding and their beautifully written vows!)

An accident took all of these away when Paige suffered a brain injury and had an amnesia that erased all of her memories from the recent years—which includes Leo, art school, and all the friends she’s made in her “new” life. Leo worked hard to make his wife fall in love with him again, except Paige had no recollection of their life together. They ended up with a divorce.

As Paige figured herself out, she ended up making the very same choices she made before the accident—enrolling in art school, moving back into the city, becoming an artist, ultimately bringing her right back to Leo.

The Vow

the-vow-movie2

The Vow

What inspires me

The Vow was based on a true story, and that to me made the movie really special. While these moving images are carefully styled, shot, edited and produced, you just know that stuff like this does happen in real life.

More than Leo’s unconditional love for Paige, seeing both their lives as artists is quite inspiring. Their love for each other was adorable, and their respect for each other’s artistry was just beautiful. Leo supported her in her art, and Paige encouraged him in his music business. There’s a unique connection when two creative people fall in love with each other, I think it’s a blessing when you know that your spouse completely gets your passion.

Yep. The Vow is a must-watch rom-com if you need some creative inspiration. ;)

10. Marley & Me

It wasn’t just a story of a dog’s life. It’s the journey of John and Jennifer Grogan (Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston) who raised Marley as they raised a family.

Both of them writers, the earlier parts of the movie showed them working as reporters for competing newspapers. When Jennifer got pregnant with their second baby, she resigned from her job so she could raise their kids. Eventually, John’s writing career picked up. He started writing his own column, and his column served as a (sort of) memoir of his dog and his family.

I thought it was brilliant that they used the family’s milestones as markers to Marley’s life—from the time they got married to the time they were trying to have babies, and to actually raising babies. Through shifting careers and earning promotions and leaving jobs, to buying new homes and moving to different cities.

It was beautiful to watch the various seasons in the life of a growing family.. and how an adorable and insanely playful labrador stood as a witness to it all.

Marley and Me

Marley and Me

Marley and Me

What inspires me

I wasn’t married yet the first time I saw this movie, and it didn’t have the same effect on me now that I have my own family. Although I’m not a dog person, I love watching John and Jennifer grow together and stay together through the struggles of marriage and family life.

Jen leaving a career she loved to focus on motherhood, and John passing up on some job opportunities to prioritize family—the story hits close to home for us, family makers. The mechanics of balancing family life and career, of being present for your kids and providing for them at the same time, of moving to a different city for a job opportunity and carefully considering your children’s future while making all of these choices.. hands down, #truestory to many of us.

And then, of course, there’s the dog. I think Marley was a representation of loyalty, companionship and unconditional love—we all need a Marley in our life!

Edited: December 2018

2 More Movies for the Musically-Inclined

The past few years gave us movies we’ll keep watching and singing along to for years to come! I’m adding these two to my list!

11. The Greatest Showman

12. Lalala Land

I think I may have gotten carried away writing this one! I hope you enjoyed reading this post, but most of all, I hope you’re able to take a nice long break from all your busy-ness this holiday season, prop your feet up, and enjoy watching!

How many of these movies have you seen? Which one is your favorite? Anything else you’d add to the list? :)

Inspiring Movies this Christmas

Inspiring Movies this Christmas

Currently 07: 10 Years, Mid-year Thoughts, and a New Chapter

RhizaLeave a comment

The content of this post was originally sent out in July’s Email Newsletter.

Dear friend,

Just for a change, I don’t want to ask “where did half of the year go?” because, well, everyone already asked that, and in retrospect, I do know where mine went.

For me, the first half of 2019 went into mothering and homeschooling kids through the end of their preschool years, finding healing, soaking up new books, getting to know myself in a whole new way, writing things (including ones that won’t see the light of day), and dreaming up new dreams.

In many ways, July feels like the first page of a new chapter, for my family, for me, and (woot, woot!) for this blog!

But can I be really honest for a moment?

The other day I chanced upon Kryz Uy‘s 10-year blog anniversary and as I virtually applauded her work (with a double-tap and a click to her blog, because that’s how we applaud fellow bloggers these days right? Lol), I had a fleeting moment of despair.

I thought, “oh wow, we were both blogging for over 10 years; why does it look like she achieved more than I have?”  —How’s that for exclusive, email-only content? :) (Ed: Well, well, well, it’s out here on the blog too!)

Almost immediately I laughed at how easy it is to fall into the comparison game. The struggle is real.

But can I just also say that Kryz Uy is awesome?? It’s bloggers like her that remind us that consistency and dedication is the key to making things happen. That, yes, blogging is not dead, and yes, we should all celebrate how our generation has been given this unique opportunity to chase and live our dreams in a way that wasn’t possible a decade ago.

As for me, I had to remind myself that my journey is singularly mine and therefore incomparable.

I am very proud of this space that I happened to create around my passions while keeping a corporate job for the most part, and grateful for all the things God added into my life because of it all.

In hindsight, even as Chasing Dreams turns 10 years old this year, it still feels like we’ve only just begun around here! Yep, just warming up!

Over the past few weeks, I updated the blog with some 10-year milestone posts. Have you read them yet? :)

The Best of Chasing Dreams
A Lookback at the Past 10 Years Blogging

I did a little (okay, not-so-little) trip down memory lane and listed some of the blog’s highlights and milestones from the past 10 years (which are easily some of the highlights of my life too.)

READ HERE

Chasing Dreams, Year 10
Redefining What it Means to Chase Your Dreams

What does it mean to “chase your dreams” even? Here I revisited and redefined what chasing dreams truly means, the good and the ugly.
READ HERE

So before I end this, I want to challenge you to think about that BIG AUDACIOUS DREAM that God keeps putting in your heart.

You may be setting this dream aside for later, or maybe you’ve forgotten about it already as you focus on more pressing things like, I don’t know, bills and family and life.

I was so sure it was the end of Chasing Dreams! I was ready to walk out of it, let it expire, and move on to the next, you know, dream. And yet the purpose and the potential of this space keeps me feeling restless and sleepless that I just had to shift gears and decided to keep going and trying.

And now I’m almost certain that years from now, I’d be glad I didn’t quit.

I challenge you, us, to keep praying for that dream and to keep holding on to it. There’s a reason why you can’t seem to shrug it off! And if I could just make you stop for a minute to linger on these thoughts or maybe nudge you to take that small step into chasing that dream, then my work here is done.

I want you to know that God placed those dreams in your heart for a purpose! And whether or not you see those dreams happening in this lifetime, I know God is already changing you and making you the person He needs you to be just by being brave enough to dream that it can happen. :)

Here’s to chasing old and new dreams, for His glory!

Always for His glory.

Love,
Riz

Photo by the great Sheila Catilo. Thank you, Sheilabeybz!

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The Best of Chasing Dreams: A Look Back at the Past 10 Years Blogging

RhizaLeave a comment

It’s hard to believe I’ve been blogging for a decade now here at Chasing Dreams; blogging for two decades if we count those early years hopping around various blogging platforms before settling down on this one.

Back then I didn’t have any concrete plan for this website, except to become a journal of sorts. Which is basically what blogs were in the day. A place to vent, a breathing space, a creative expression.

Eventually, I had to force this blog to “grow up to pay the bills”, but even then I was very picky. I didn’t want to monetize these pages with keyword-generated ads, I chose the brands I worked with, and I worked hard to keep this space personal, passion-driven, and purpose-centric.

If you’ve been following this journey for a while you’d remember that this space doubled as a Web & Branding Design Studio for a good number of years, and then a hub for all things Pursuit Manila, and then a blogging resource site (which eventually became The Purpose Blog). Basically a launch pad for many of my passion projects and creative ventures.

It’s funny how I kind of grew up on this blog too, and how the blog naturally evolved through seasons of my life. From falling in love to getting married to being a mother, from being at the peak of my corporate career to becoming a work-from-home mom, plus all the dream-chasing in between.

Today for all sentimental reasons I thought I’d look back at some of the highlights of this blog, which are also easily some of the highlights of my life.

Join me as I take this trip down memory lane? Yes?

(A quick note: Some of these posts are super old, apologies in advance for some broken links here and there.)

The Early Beginnings

I did a major purge at the start of this year, removing a big chunk of old posts from this blog’s public archive (because cringe? lol). Still, there are a few ones that I think represent those early years, like—

This post that started it all.  Hello, 2009 Riz.

A glimpse of my old apartment. My aesthetic obviously changed so much haha. How did I survive having too much red in my house again?

My weird obsession with typewriters. Did you know that there was such a thing as “typecasters” back then, long before there were instagrammers and bookstagrammers? No? Fine! I. Am. A. Dinosaur.

Does anybody remember The Dreamerie? It was my first ever experience launching an online business, and I can’t even remember how many launches I had since then!

And then there are my blogger friends. Joni and Mae, easily some of the best friendships that came out of blogging!

And that weekend I spent with my childhood friends in Singapore. One of those defining moments in life where I knew everything would never be the same again.

Falling in Love and Being Happily Married

There’s no denying that one of my greatest inspirations in writing this blog is this boy named David, and our roller-coaster, on-and-off long-distance relationship which, I’m happy to report in case you missed that part, ended at the altar.

Lately, we would laugh about how this blog played a bit of a role in our relationship. How, on his side of the story, he was able to know me better through my posts (or stalk, more like haha). Or me, how I occasionally dropped hints and riddles about him here and there, thinking maybe he’d happen to read them. Classic ligawan of our time, what can I say. Haha.

Here are some posts from those years that (at least) have not gone off my personal cringe scale. Read at your own risk. :D

Blogging with my heart at the tip of my fingers. That moment when I knew that David was (is) the only guy I would ever gush blog about.

That Central Park date, ahhh, easily one of my most favorite New York City moments.

What September reminds me of. A quick summary of our love story, in reference to the month of September.

The wedding. The honeymoon. This blog was all about weddings for quite a while!

Moving into our first home. From being in opposite sides of the planet to living together on a rooftop apartment—what is dream come true?

Turning 28, and finally celebrating our birthdays together.

Being happily married. Seriously though, I happened to have married a chill and happy person, and God knows how much I needed that in my life!

More of David and this married life here.

The 30-day Blog Challenges

I’ll always be a believer of 30-day challenges because I’ve seen how truly effective it is in creating a habit and, let’s be honest, in populating content for a blog!

Which is why I did this challenge 3 times in the first few years blogging here. The idea is to publish content every day; and to make it more methodical for me, I worked around a fun theme for each round.

First round in 2009, where I blogged 30 awesome things, inspired by this guy‘s 1000 Awesome Things.

Second round in 2010, which was all about our wedding. For sure, one post about our wedding was not enough, I had to talk about it for a month! Lol.

And the third round in 2013, which I dubbed “30 Days of Gratitude” from when I was adjusting to my new life as a mom, and all the thoughts and feelings that motherhood came with.

Some of the best lessons about blogging I learned from these 30-day challenges, which reminds me, I really should do this again soon!

Twin Blessings

The biggest surprise of our life was definitely when we found out that I was pregnant with twins. So even when I never really considered myself a “mom blogger”, blogging about Dawn & Rain was something that happened organically.

In other words, not only did the babies take over my life and schedule, they took over this blog too!

This is when we found out we were having twins. The best April Fools joke, ever.

A series of posts during my twin pregnancy. Seriously feels like a lifetime ago!

That November morning we took the girls home for the first time, and life was never the same.

Dedicating them to the Lord. 3-month mark. First birthday. Second birthday.

The story of Dawn & Rain’s names.

I’ll stop here but you get the drift, this blog houses countless photographs and stories about Dawn and Rain. I mean, I bet most of you are still here for them! :)

That 52-Week Project

The height of Dawn & Rain’s “blog takeover” happened in 2014 when I joined a 52-Week Photo Project. It was a photography project started by a blogger named Jodi, where mothers from around the world took portraits of their children, once a week, every week, all year.

That was a fun year! Challenging but fun. The best part was having documented that year in Dawn & Rain’s life in a special way, and having all of these photographs for the wall and the family albums.

I highly recommend you do something like it too.

All the 52 Week Project posts are here.

I can’t even pick a favorite, I love and treasure every single one of them!

The One Words

In 2014 I started skipping the New Year’s Resolutions and doing the One Word challenge instead. The mechanics of the One Word challenge is simple. Instead of coming up with a list of resolutions at the start of the year, you pick one word that will represent the dreams, prayers, and goals you have for that year.

Amazingly, not only did these words serve as guide as I go about my year, in hindsight they also served as markers. Until now, I can still casually talk about the highlights of a specific year just based the word for that year.

“Passion” in 2014.

“Pursue” in 2015.

“Remain” in 2016.

“Seek” in 2017.

“Trust” in 2018.

I still sometimes laugh at how easily I picked those big words “pursue” and “passion” in the first two years! And how, as I age, I find myself choosing words that feel more quiet and slow if you know what I mean.

This 2019 my one word is PURPOSE.

I’m feeling it, y’all. I do!

Pursuit Manila

2015 was the year Pursuit Manila was born, and wow what a year that was! In a nutshell, Pursuit Manila is a community of Christian creatives who desire to honor God in their businesses, family, and passions.

Every month in 2015 we gathered women from across the metro to learn, fellowship, and connect. This blog became the hub for everything Pursuit Manila—

How it all began. I remember posting this scared that no one would show up. But the first group of women did, and every month the group just kept growing!

All the monthly gatherings are archived here, every single one documented with beautifully styled venues, inspiring loot bags, and pretty little flatlays. Everything you’d expect when you put creative women in one place!

Ending the year with Thanksgiving. Consider this one a quick roundup of everything and everyone that made Pursuit Manila what it is.

Although Pursuit is no longer actively meeting since 2016, the friendships and connections we’ve built, the passion projects that were launched, and the lessons learned will surely last a lifetime. <3

Oh The Places We Went

I haven’t been to that many places, to be honest. Contrary to the image a self-proclaimed “dream chaser” might portray, I’m really mostly a creature of comfort. I’d pick a book over an adventure any given day. I find that my energy easily runs out whenever we go on spontaneous trips that I basically need to take a vacation after taking a vacation.

I realized in recent years that as much as I dream of the next big destination, I’m really mostly drawn to places where family is.

Like Sydney, where some of my favorite cousins are.

Or Singapore, where my childhood friends were.

And of course, New York, where I fell in love.

Ah, those feelings I have for New York, all preserved on these pages.

Lately, traveling for us is more about creating core memories for Dawn and Rain.

Staycations are aplenty at this young age, we often book a hotel or an Airbnb just for the swimming pool! (These two are mermaids!)

Boracay. Batangas. Tagaytay. Baguio.

All within the Philippines, for now.

Looking forward to adding more places to this list. :)

Endless Ruminations About God and Life

Many of my readers I got to know a bit well because of these posts. I published plenty of posts on what I’ve been learning about God in this chase of dreams, this perpetual search for meaning and purpose.

You can find them all here.

“God replaces what he takes away,” says my naive 21-year-old self. Trivia: This post remains to be the single most viewed post in this blog. And isn’t that mind-blowing, how literally every day, people around the world turn to Google to find answers to questions about why God takes things away? It’s a bit sad, if I’m honest, but what an opportunity to dig deeper and seek more! I pray every day that this post will somehow lead these internet strangers to the right answers, if not completely answer them.

There’s so much ground to cover! God taught me so much!

On saying goodbye to friends. Learning what it truly means to be still. Seeking and finding. Selah.

There’s also my Hillsong story, what “chasing dreams” looked like for 16-year old me.

And the 30 lessons I learned in 30 years, a mere attempt to list them all down, because obviously there’s got to be more than 30.

Chasing Dreams Today

At some point in recent years, I struggled to keep up with this blog.

I was uninspired.

I struggled to blog about motherhood.

I then started to call it for what it really is: anxiety.

And I constantly have to redefine what this “chase” truly means for me.

In that note, I’m just glad that this is exactly what’s unique about blogs. They are personal websites, after all, and they grow and evolve with the blogger.

Today this blog is stripped back down to its roots—a space for telling stories, of practicing intentionality, of living a creative life, of seeking God in both the big and small things, in relationships, and places, and passions.

Maybe it will evolve again into something different someday like it always does, but for now, I’m letting this place just be, and I hope you’ll stay around for that too. :)

Here’s to the 10th year of Chasing Dreams!

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