Category: Married Life

Love & Relationships (and all the Feels)

Saturdays and solitude

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There was a point in my life when being alone made me crazy; times when I made it a point to be surrounded by people whether I knew them or not. Good for me, those days are gone. And now that I’ve come to acknowledge solitude as a gift, I welcome it with a huge smile on my face and a long, exaggerated, happy sigh. Thank God for Saturdays. And solitude.

Two Saturdays ago, I spent my alone-time studying and marveling at the book of Ephesians, in preparation for that message I had the privilege of sharing at our church last February 19. Ephesians is beautiful (not to mention cheesy), you know? Go, read it and see for yourself! :)

A clean house, a cup of coffee, some vanilla oreos, and a solid, quality time with God’s Word—it was another happy Saturday for me!

Do you feel it too, when something BIG is about to happen—a new adventure looming in the horizon? Time spent in solitude, they say, prepares us for changes and challenges that are about to come our way. My husband and I don’t know what our new adventure is going to be exactly, and when, and how, but something inside me is feeling giddy and restless these days. In a good, bring-it-on-Lord kind of way. :)

Happily Married

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This morning when a friend asked me if I was happy, I realized that I haven’t really been sad in a long time. Sure, I’ve felt a lot of negative emotions—tired, drained, frustrated, stressed out, burned out, discouraged, unappreciated, tired, tired, tired—but looking back, sadness is not one of them.

Whatever my circumstances are, I’ve found that there’s this inner joy and peace that’s taken residence in my heart. And that’s saying a lot because if you knew me when I was younger, you know how my over-thinking would often end up in sudden bouts of depression. More so, if you followed my blog when I was younger, you know that I blogged a lot about my frustrations and self-inflicted loneliness too.

But something about getting married changed that side of me.

You see, I happened to have married a very happy person. :)

Sure, David can be too happy sometimes it drains all the energy out of me lol. But mostly his very optimistic and happy disposition in life is so contagious it balances out my melancholy side. I don’t take for granted how our personalities balance each other out in so many ways; and how, rather than feeling “stuck” in a long-term commitment, I feel like I’ve become a better, less uptight, and happier version of myself.

I know for a fact that the thought of marriage sometimes makes single and independent women worry about losing their freedom and flexibility. I should know, I was a single person not too long ago. I know how it feels, not wanting to lose control of your schedule, your plans, your dreams.

You want to be able to do what you want to do, go where we want to go, and not feel “stuck” in one place. You want to be free to hop from one job to another and search for that one thing that will make you happy. You want to experiment, to try and fail, and then try again. And yes, singlehood does give you all of that freedom.

But in the past 6 months, I realized that there’s also this whole new level of freedom that comes with having someone to make decisions with and, in most cases, allowing him to take the lead. It’s mind blowing for a woman and a control-freak (yes, me) to allow another human being to not just have an opinion in your life but, whose own life has be factored into your decision-making.

Being a wife now, I find myself appreciating more and more this beautiful gift of marriage that God has so profoundly designed. More importantly, I find myself learning (little by little, each day) to let go and to trust more.

I happened to be given the opportunity the past two weeks to share what God has taught me about marriage—first to a bunch of young people in church, and last weekend to a group of young single ladies. It’s a humbling (and funny) experience to talk about marriage and be questioned about my, lol, credibility. You’re married? You’re 28? You look 18! Some young ladies approached me even to personally ask me, “Ate, 28 ka na talaga?” 

Hey, I may look 10 years younger,  and I may not have years of experience being a married person just yet, but what I do know about marriage holds true whether you’re married for 6 months or 50 years: marriage is the illustration of God’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:21-33).

It’s a tough call to live by, but it’s the very reason why marriage makes sense, why it’s worth all the shenanigans that come with it, and why you, singles out there, shouldn’t sell yourself short.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these lately and I’m overwhelmed at what God is teaching me.

This Little Boy I’m Crazy About

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Isaac is growing up fast! He’s turning 2 years old this week, and his Mom and Dad threw an advanced birthday party for him last Saturday. There’s something about balloons and little kids running around that makes my heart turn jell-o. You bet, Saturdays are made for these.

Isaac probably wouldn’t remember this day (I can’t remember how it was like when I was two years old!), but I’m sure, years from now, when he sees these photographs, he will know how much this family loves him!

They say you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. I’m so glad I didn’t have to choose mine because God already chose it for me. It’s not perfect, but I’m happy to be born into this particular one—big bones, chubby genes and all. And to make it even sweeter, our family has grown with 3 beautiful additions in a span of 3 years: the sister, the husband, and my most favorite baby boy in the world who amused us all with his presence last Saturday.

Say hello to my beautiful family:

Isaac’s party did not have any specific theme to begin with, but the photographs remind me of balloons and flying houses. :)

We obviously couldn’t get enough of Isaac!

Kiddie party and balloons aside, tears freely flowed on my cheeks while I was post-processing that last photograph. It was a Sunday afternoon, day after the party. My husband was sleeping right next to me on the couch, rain was pouring down, and I was alone with my Lightroom, thoughts, and (day)dreams. It’s amazing how much love and joy can be captured in a single photograph, and how much it can awaken feelings you didn’t know you had.

Once in a while, God blesses us with defining moments that make the long, torturous waiting in between worth enduring. When you find yourself in these moments, savour them, preserve them in photographs, write them down, keep them in your heart. You see, life has a way of making you lose sight of your dreams sometimes, making you feel tired and impatient. So when that inevitable feeling of helplessness hits you, then you’ll know exactly where, and from Whom, to draw strength from.

I never blurted this out online before, but watching Isaac laugh, and run, and smile, and hug his Mommy and Daddy makes me excited for when my husband and I get to finally have our own little one. How awesome that day would be.

What were you doing exactly a year ago?

Rhiza3 Comments

Lately it’s our favorite pastime, the what-were-you-doing-exactly-this-time-last-year game. Especially this past year when, for us, changes have been dramatic.

i.e. (1) Last year, on my husband’s birthday, we were saying good bye; this year, we woke up next to each other and ate pancakes for breakfast. (2) Last year, on New Year’s Eve, we were shouting our greetings to each other over long distance phone calls, twice, because of the time difference; this year, we’re in Manila Hotel with David’s extended family, we watched the last sunset of the year together, and we welcomed the new year in the same continent and timezone. And then we had a beautiful quality time, just the two of us, at home, before work and classes resumed.

Behold the last sunset of 2011.

I had quite a number of milestones in 2011.

I encountered God like I never did before, after which, answered prayers and miracles happened one after the other I can never stop praising and thanking God.

And then LifeXtreme happened in this life of mine. It’s a humbling experience to be part of the committee that frontlines our church’s Youth Worship. This coming March marks LifeXtreme’s anniversary and I’m so blessed to have witnessed God’s work in our church’s youth ministry up front and center.

I turned 28, and celebrated what turned out to be my last birthday as a single person.

I let go of  a comfortable work-from-home set-up to make room for a more stable, more organized office job in Makati. I never thought I’d go back to the work force again after 2 years of being an SEO nomad, but stability is more important to me now than adventure, and I love how I can separate work from home and home from work this time around. Someone’s getting old.

I got married, which opened up a floodgate of big changes, like the change of address, and a hyphenated name, among many others.

It’s heartwarming, looking back and seeing what God has done and how far He has brought us in such a short period of time. Before 2011 started, our game plan was quite different. As the year ended, God proved once again that He’s a God of sweet surprises, and that we can never out-plan Him.

Which brings me back to our game. Try it. What were you doing exactly this time last year? How much has changed since? Are you doing something you planned and worked hard for, or something totally unexpected?

A warning, be careful to not dwell too much in the past. It’s one thing to look back and be stuck in what-ifs and what-should-have-beens, another thing to look back for the purpose of moving forward and being thankful for what you have now.

New Years are for clean slates and new beginnings. I pray that you find yourself counting blessings this 2012. :)

On Christmas Traditions, Typhoon Victims, and Being Still

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Exactly a month ago, we put together our little Christmas tree at home, and I think I may have said I was “excited” to post more photos. So much for my excitement. The month has been packed with so many things, and uploading these photographs was the first to be pushed down my list! Anyway, here they are, for traditions’ sake.

It’s our first Christmas as husband and wife, and I love that we get to start our own Christmas traditions. Last year, I had some instax photographs up on my Christmas tree, and this year, we decided to do the same. We picked some of our favorite photographs from the wedding and the honeymoon and printed them out with our Polaroid Pogo. It’s a cute little project, something we hope we can keep on doing for years to come.

On another note, I know it has been a challenge for our country to celebrate Christmas this year when Cagayan de Oro and Iligan City are still under the state of calamity. We don’t have a television at home and, quite honestly, my husband and I have only seen and heard so much. I know we’ll never really have a clear picture of what’s happening out there but our family feels somehow involved. My eldest brother is there since last week; as part of his job, he’s with the ABS-CBN Engineering Crew which covers the relief operations there. It’s our first Christmas Day without him, probably even New Year too. And so we had to let go of certain Christmas traditions this year so my brother can be where he’s needed more.

I look at Ate Imy (my sister-in-law) and Isaac and I imagine how difficult it must be for them to celebrate Christmas without Kuya. But then I think about the thousands of families in Cagayan de Oro and Iligan who lost their loved ones and friends over the flash flood, and how devastating Christmas and New Year must be like for them. As I stare at our Christmas tree here at home, my heart goes out to the victims of Sendong who lost their homes and didn’t get the chance to put up their trees this year. At the time of this writing, the death toll has reached about 1,500. This is even more tragic than Ondoy.

Suddenly, no personal issues or problems are too big.

It’s easy to question the goodness of God at a time like this, but words from the Bible pop up like bright stars in the dark sky: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9) God sees everything in a bigger perspective, and as far as His grand scheme of things is concerned, everything happens for a reason and for our own good. His ways are higher, we only have to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10)—and believe that with all our hearts.

For the rest of us who are not in the center of this tragedy and are watching this from a distance, it’s our chance to help and make a difference. I’m not directly connected with any relief efforts for Sendong, but I think the surest way for our donations to reach Cagayan de Oro and Iligan is through Red Cross. We have 2 more days left before 2011 ends, let’s make it count.

My Husband Turned 28

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It’s not the first time we celebrated his birthday together. Last year we were in New York, but his birthday was also the last day of my trip and I was flying back to Manila the very next day. Our emotions were all over the place, I remember. We busied ourselves doing last minute Christmas shopping, and packing up my suitcases, and trying to ignore the fact that we were going to part ways again. As the night was ending, we did our best to stay up and keep our eyes open even if we were tired and spent, until it was time to drag my feet and my luggage to the airport.

That’s how we spent his 27th birthday.

This year was a perfect contrast. :)

This year, we were not in a rush. We waited for the clock to strike 12 (same timezone, yes!), spent the first minutes on Skype with my father-in-law, and he opened his gifts like he couldn’t wait. We had a long uninterrupted sleep, we woke up next to each other, and I cooked breakfast like I never did before. (Well, we never eat breakfast.) And then we spent the day doing whatever the birthday boy thought of doing.

We’ve had parties here and there the whole month of December, we even hosted some at home; so for his birthday, he specially requested to have the day just to ourselves. We played some sets of bowling, watched a movie, had a full-body massage and spa, and a late night Taco party with the Velardos.

It was a beautiful, serene, quality time together, accentuated by lots of laughter, hugs and kisses, tears of joy, and moments we would stop in our tracks and marvel at God’s grand scheme of things. Oh how things didn’t seem to make sense before! And oh how He unraveled His great master plan and brought us where we are in His own sweet time.

I’ve been blogging relentlessly about our story, mostly because the daily dose of inspiration is too overwhelming to contain and I need a place to share them all; partly because I have a feeling that someone somewhere is going through similar valleys and roads, and I thought, if only I could encourage at least one person to keep the faith and never tire on chasing his/her dreams, then this blog has served beyond its purpose. Although it’s not really a self-help blog with how-tos and 101s to long distance relationships and chasing dreams (well, not yet), I’m happy to be sharing my life here as a case study. Lest you need to pick up a lesson or two.

God has made many of my dreams come true, and replaced the good ones with the best; and while the journey is not a walk in the park and we have to hurdle through difficult situations along the way, God is faithful, and well, we’re living our lives together now aren’t we? :)

So to you who’s going through your own roller-coaster ride of a life and wondering when the chase will end, take it from us: God has your best interest in mind, always. He will see you through. Just as He did with us.