Overcoming Fear, and Turning 32

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32years

It may be a running joke, that you lose track of your age when you reach 30, but it actually happens. These days, when someone asks me how old I am, I have to stop for a moment, think hard, and compute years in my head.

Maybe forgetfulness comes with age.  Maybe there are more important things to think about. Maybe we don’t want to be reminded that we’re getting old. Then again, maybe age doesn’t really matter. One thing I’m sure of, birthdays have never been the same since these two (and their Daddy!) happened in my life, each year better than the last. Simpler, quieter, but more meaningful than ever.

This year I had some much-needed quality time (and impromptu dinner!) with family, a box of cupcakes, lots of hugs and kisses, lots of time to reflect and slow down. Just the way I like it.

On my birthday, God’s word for me was short and sweet:

Do not fear.

And once again I marvel at how He knows exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. He knows how much fear has been crippling me lately! Fears of regretting my choices, not being able to meet expectations, losing opportunities, failing at motherhood, creepy stalkers, planes crashing, sickness, earthquakes, death.

Seriously, if “Over Analyst” is a profession, I’ll take the job. I’m ten thousand steps ahead of anything which is sometimes good when I need to make calculated steps, but oftentimes unnecessary and paralyzing. Overanalyzing is natural to me, and lately, my thoughts have become fears and they’ve consumed me more than I can handle. The struggle is real.

It dawned on me that my fears have started to alter the way I see myself in light of God’s character and sovereignty. They make me focus on my circumstances, my inability, and the cruelty of this world, rather than focus my eyes on God’s love, goodness, and omnipotence.

Do not fear. I am with you. I am your God.

How else can anyone dwell on her fears if she has THAT assurance?

Sure, there will always be trials and suffering and tribulations in this world, and we’re human beings who are prone to wander (and in my case, prone to overthink). But the God who created the universe is with me, and He happens to be in control of this life.

I’m holding on to that promise. And I’m ready to face another year with so much hope and excitement in my heart. The Lord is with me. He is my God. I need not fear.

Mommy Reflections & Easter Sunday Photographs

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Sometimes, it just happens. A perfect long weekend. Followed by a perfect week. Even though there’s really no such thing as perfect, perfect is just too good a word to not be used, especially if you mean something close. These photographs were taken on Easter Sunday.  I have more of these where it came from, they’re just too many to flood my Instagram with so I thought I’d post some of them here on the blog. :)

No yaya and no work, we spent the entire weekend being lazy and spending much-needed quality time with the girls. We went to a family reunion on Friday, but pretty much stayed in the rest of the weekend. It was the Holy Week, and although most of our activities included drawing on the wall, dancing to Hi-5, singing silly songs, learning new words and colors, and making sure the little babes were happy and entertained, there’s much realization for me about the power of the cross and God’s presence in this season of my life.  Continue reading “Mommy Reflections & Easter Sunday Photographs”

Keeping it Healthy with Juice Hut

 Juice Hut Pure Blends

Juice Hut Almond Drinks

It’s true what older people would say. When you reach the age of 30, you start feeling all sorts of body pains; you get tired, and sick, and fat (tell me about it) more easily; you can’t even do all-nighters anymore! You find yourself looking back and reminiscing your younger years when you can eat anything and not get fat, when you can stay awake for 36 hours straight to beat a deadline and still manage to party afterwards to celebrate your beating the deadline. Relate much?

Yep. Gone are those days.

And so you are forced to become more intentional—in the way you manage your time and take care of your mental and physical well-being. You learn to eat more healthy, you start reading fineprints on food packaging, and you learn to accept that you don’t have the physical capacity of a vampire and you need to get some sleep!

Lately I’ve also been pondering a lot about good stewardship. Everything is God’s, and we have to take care of the things He entrusts to us. This includes our resources, gifts, relationships, and our bodies.

That said, I’m somewhere along that path of transitioning to a healthier way of life.   Continue reading “Keeping it Healthy with Juice Hut”

The Story of Dawn & Rain’s Names

Hosea 6:3

We’re on Day 7 of Pursuit Community’s Seek Devotional, and yesterday the reading was from a verse that’s very close to my heart, a promise that my husband and I remember every single day because they run around our home in the form of two energetic toddlers named Dawn & Rain.

Hosea 6:3—

“Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know him.
He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of the dawn
or the coming of rain in early spring.”

The thing is, we already knew we would name them “Dawn” & “Rain” before we found this verse!

We knew RAIN’s name right from the beginning.

The morning we confirmed that I was pregnant, God gave me this verse, Leviticus 26:3-14, and the passage began with..

“If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands,
I will send you RAIN in its season,
and the ground will yield its crops and the trees their fruit.” 

That passage is packed with so many promises, and as a married couple who’s adjusting to a new life, traversing new paths, and are about to be new parents, we claimed each promise in Leviticus 26 one by one. At that time we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, we just knew that whatever the gender, there’s got to be “Rain” in her name.

And then we found out that we’re having twins, and few months later we learned we’re having two girls; but Dawn’s name was not revealed to us until later. The thing is, deciding on the second baby’s name was a bit more challenging because we wanted to be more specific. Since Rain already starts with an “R” following my name, we were praying for a name that starts with a “D” to follow my husband’s name.

One morning, at 7 months pregnant, while my husband was having his devotion, he excitedly shouted to me from across the living room, “I found her name!!”

God affirmed to him Psalm 37:6.

“He will make your righteous reward shine like the DAWN,
your vindication like the noonday sun.” 

& that’s when we knew her name would be DAWN.

Dawn and RainI remember how it felt like, finally knowing what their names were going to be. We loved calling them by name while they were still in my womb, we even knew that Rain was the twin on top of her sister, and Dawn was the one who always kicked me on the side. Not only do we love the sound of their names, we love the promises that their names represent.

As my due date came closer, we announced their names to our family and close friends. It was Paul, my husband’s cousin, who messaged us one morning and shared to us Hosea 6:3. “Did you know that both Dawn and Rain’s names are in Hosea 6:3?” he asked. And there it was, indeed, our ultimate affirmation that we got our daughters’ names right!

But more than their names literally being in this verse, my husband and I acknowledge that our daughters are God’s real-life representation of this very promise to us.. that He will respond to us as we press on to know Him. That as we seek Him, we will find him. That He will come forth as certain as the arrival of the dawn and the coming of rain. 

We’ve tested and proven this promise in our lives many times! Raising twins and becoming parents came with responsibilities that stretched us, broke us, tested our faith, and brought us to our knees desperate for God to respond. And every single time we call upon Him for comfort and help, He hears our cries and answers our prayers. Sometimes He changes our situation; often He changes us.

I hope that whatever you’re going through today you will find rest in the assurance that God is true to His promises. So when He says that He will respond to us, He most definitely will. You can trust Him.


Come join us!

Join us as we go through Seek, a 21-Day Prayer and Fasting Devotional put together by the Pursuit Community! We’re at Day 7, but you can begin anytime! You can find DAY ONE here.

December Dawn

I woke up this morning to the sound of the rain. Stuck in a tangle of tiny arms and legs, I breathed in the familiar silence that comes with the beginning of each day—the calm before the storm, moms would say.

It was the morning before Christmas and I wanted to bottle it all up: all the feelings, the morning breath, the warmth that filled the room I shared with my little family.

I remember how I ranted one too many times about this most wonderful time of the year, which wasn’t always my most wonderful time of the year. There’s something melancholy about Christmas that I couldn’t quite point my finger at, and every year I grew a little more jaded and cynical and I just wanted the season over and done with.

Needless to say, I felt a shift in recent years. Suddenly there’s something to look forward to on Christmas. And year after year it has become merrier and brighter and more.. hopeful.

With two little kids running around the house and pulling ornaments off the tree, how can you not love Christmas? It never gets old—David and I would find ourselves looking at each other from across a room full of mess, and our hearts would burst with joy and gratitude to God for redeeming Christmas and making a family out of us.

This song played softly in my head this morning, and I thanked God once again for Christmasses and December dawns. It’s a beautiful Christmas love song that was composed and sung by two of my college friends, Reev (music) and Sheila (female vocals) and I often find myself wishing more people knew it!

It’s the anthem to my Decembers, and it’s on loop my Christmas playlist every year, just like Jose Mari Chan’s Christmas in Our Hearts.

Go ahead, have a listen. And I suggest you hug your loved ones a little tighter and longer as the song plays on. You’re welcome.

Merry Christmas! :)

Lyrics of the song after the jump.

Continue reading “December Dawn”

He Turned 31

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I had a memory lapse and thought we turned 32 this year. He looked at me, stopped for a moment as if he was trying to count years in his head and then asked, “are you kidding?” I wish I was kidding (that was a good joke, right?) but I really got confused for a moment.

Maybe some of us don’t intentionally stop counting birthdays after we turned 30. Maybe we just become forgetful. Or maybe we sometimes feel older than we really are.

We got him a cake this year! Although I intended to maintain my noncake tradition by making dessert shooters (I planned to stick little candles on them), in the end I thought this year should have a proper birthday cake, even though, as expected, I’ve been eating all the left-over cake ever since. By the way, there’s more cake in the ref as I type this.

So he turned 31 (yes, not 32) this week, and even though we’ve spent the past 3 years celebrating birthdays together, everything I said 3 years ago still rings true today. Still in awe, still kilig, still in constant wonder for being blessed with such a great man to journey this life with.

Happy birthday, D. I love you, don’t forget.