We take bazillions of photographs of our twins. The photos you see on our Instagram and Facebook feeds is just a tiny percentage of the amount of photos and videos we accumulate week after week. And yet, it still often frustrates me that I’m not able to capture enough.
There’s not a day that I don’t wish I had some sort of camera attached to my eyes so that I could capture every milestone, every step, every smile.
So that I would always remember—
Those afternoons when Dawn would fall asleep with her head on my chest while Rain settled down on the crook of my arm (or vice versa)—moments made of tangled limbs, tiny yawns, and breaths that smell like vanilla cream.
Times when Dawn would wake up crying in the middle of the night and the only thing that could soothe her was if I picked her up and sang songs to her. She would lean her tiny ear on my chest to listen to my muffled voice (or my heartbeat), sigh contentedly, and drift back to sleep.
Mornings when Rain would wake me up, tugging at my hair, ready to give me the sweetest smile as soon as I opened my eyes. And we would spend the next couple of minutes playing hide and seek under the covers and she would laugh so hard that soon, her sister and Daddy would start waking up too.
Nights when I lie awake in the dark and I look over my little family of four, squeezed together in one bed, and I feel so loved and happy like this is all just a dream.
Will I forget what she looks like? Smells like? Feels like? That’s a lot of pressure to put on myself. How am I supposed to be fully present as a mom, dealing with the daily wonders and exhaustions, AND making mental notes on everything I want to remember? I’m not. Something’s gotta give.
Days are flying by too fast I have to make conscious effort to pause, hold both my babies in my arms while I still can, and just.. breathe it all in. I will still try to capture moments whenever I can, as much as I can, but I’m learning more and more to do it without a camera in my hands.