On a hunt for a new journal; Thoughts on Psalm 86:15

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Where’s a Peter Pauper Press Journal when you need one? I haven’t seen any in the usual places lately, much to my frustration. And just now I find myself browsing PPP’s online catalog and daydreaming about getting my hands on the journals, specifically these two designs:

Yellow is such a happy color, yeah?

My last journal ran out of pages, and I’ve been using this non-PPP notebook for a while now. And it’s affecting my writing rituals! The paper is too thin, the lines are too thick.. Or I could just be lazy and simply finding excuses. I haven’t written long journal entries lately, and have been merely jotting down verses and quick notes here and there. I miss being absorbed in paper and ink and letting my hand speak for my heart.

When will I ever have the time? (And the journal? Hah!)

I have so much going on in my list, not to mention the house is still a mess, and I’m killing myself for not being able to keep up with everything. It’s a horrid habit of mine, putting my standards up too high—on others, and mostly on myself. Then I end up feeling disappointed about not meeting my own expectations.

And then words like this hit me hard in the head, and I’m amazed once again how God knows what I need to hear/read when I need them:

But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth. ~Psalm 86:15

Our Lord understands our limits. He realizes our struggles. He knows how much pressure we can take. He knows what measures of grace and mercy and strength we’ll require. He knows how we’re put together.

Frankly, His expectations are not nearly as unrealistic as ours.

When we don’t live up to the agenda we have set, we feel like He is going to dump a truckload of judgment on us. But that will not happen.

So why do we fear it could?

~Chuck Swindoll

I heaved a sigh of relief, thanking God for being merciful, and gracious, and forgiving, when others, or even we, can’t forgive ourselves.

I grabbed a pen and a paper to write these words down. And I thought maybe that’s why I suddenly miss having a journal—I remember things better when I write them down.

And these days, these are the kind of stuff I need to remember.

Week 23: Found the Perfect Maternity Wedding Dress

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So we’re going to a big wedding this weekend, and last night, I found the perfect dress to wear to the occasion.

I love it! It fits me like it was tailored for me and my huge bump! I’m surprised I could still fit in a small-sized dress, by the way, when I weigh about 130 pounds by now. The length, the style, the fit, the fabric, the color—everything is just so right, even better than what I was looking for. My only worry is, I got it from Forever 21, and you know how Forever 21 mass-produces every piece of clothing they have, yeah? Well, Jasper & Darlene, the couple who’s getting married this Saturday, has about 500 guests—can you picture how huge a crowd that is? So now I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t bump (pun intended) into someone, out of those 500 people, who wears the same dress as MY perfect dress. We’ll see.

In other news, we’ve moved in to the new apartment, and everything is still a mess. I reckon it will take us this whole month to get our stuff out of moving boxes and put everything in its place. I’m trying my best not to stress out about it. I’m glad that my husband and I have learned to make a home out of whatever space we have, wherever we are.

It’s around this time too, last year, when we were so busy preparing for our wedding and settling down in our first home. July 30, 2011 was the date stamped on David‘s one-way NYC-HK-MLA plane ticket, and I still remember that night in the airport, exactly a year ago, when we were reunited once and for all.

So we’re celebrating a lot of anniversaries this whole month. And we’re making the most out of our time together, just the two of us. Coz soon enough, two kiddos will be sharing our space, and our days, with us. And nothing will ever be the same again.

Oh. boy.

I mean, girls.

Week 22: When I’m with You, I Feel Old

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So I spent one Tuesday afternoon with my girlfriends, and I’ve had these photographs waiting in my drafts for days, short for words as always. But I was positive that one of my girlfriends would blog about it soon, so I thought I’d wait so I can just link it up. I was right.

Thanks, Mae, for doing the honors.

Now all I have to do is to post more photos. :D

And can I just say, in my best Carrie Bradshaw impersonation, “I died and went to cake heaven?”

My friends did this pregnant woman a favor by choosing to hang out at Conti’s that afternoon. They all ordered a slice of cake each, while I had a slice of cake PLUS a plateful of yummy beef lasagna. Pregnancy has its perks. ;)

To end, I’d like to steal her words, because I couldn’t say it any better. Sometimes, life surprises you and gives you family who are like friends, and friends who are like family. Not everyone gets to be blessed with both, but I’m just so thankful that I am.

With these girls, growing old doesn’t feel too scary after all.

Week 21: Getting the House Ready for Our Soon-to-be Family of Four

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I thought getting married would be the end of my apartment-hopping. Guess not. Less than a year after my husband and I moved into our first home, we’re packing our bags again. At least we’re not changing our address; we’re just moving to a bigger unit in the same building, one with more space to raise twins.

That also means we’re saying goodbye to the roof top we’ve grown to love. But how can we complain, right? I’d take having more space for the twins over having a pretty roof top view anytime. And it was just the perfect timing. We’ve been praying for a bigger space, and suddenly a tenant was vacating one of the units, which makes it, yay, available for us. God answers prayers just in time.

And so the new apartment is like a clean canvass for me to play with. We’re definitely adding more furniture and shelving, and colors! Times like this, it’s always a good first step to start with an inspiration board. Here’s mine:

I know I’ve always complained about not having Ikea in the Philippines, but just this week, I found that there are a few shops selling Ikea items here in Manila. Say hello to Ikea Source Philippines, Invicta, and (this one’s been around for a while) 5 Corners! We scheduled to visit their showrooms this week. For now, I scouted their websites for some major items I consider getting, added some pegs I found here and there, and put this inspiration board together.

I think yellow is a really pretty, gender-neutral accent color, yes? We don’t know yet what our babies’ gender are, but even if they’re girls, I still don’t think I’d pick barbie-pink colors for our home. Whether the twins are boys, or girls, or a boy and a girl, I think my turquoise and apple green color scheme fits just right.

On the other hand, as I was finishing off my inspiration board, I found these really nice *pegs from Pinterest..

..and thought heeyyyy, orange and pink looks good too! I didn’t want to consider these colours at first, but they could work!

So maybe I’m getting some coral pinks and orange too. Like fake flowers, vases, and pillows maybe?

Ahh, the Martha in me is crazy. excited.

Next up: pegs for the babies’ nursery!

* * *

Some notes on the board: (1) Ikea Rast Drawers, to be painted yellow maybe? (2) Ikea Expedit Shelving/Divider, or some alternative; (3) Ikea Bursjon storage/stool; (4) Ikea Rexbo Shelf, a phased out Ikea item which I happened to already have – mine used to be red but now it’s black; (5) Fab Manila Storage Boxes; (6) Black photo frames, fake plants, new curtains.

*Feel free to view my pinterest board to see the sources of these photos.

Week 19: Write it Down On the Tablet of Your Heart

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So I’ve been creatively scribbling stuff on my journal with my G-tech and Artline pens these days, and I’m kinda loving the beautiful mess my journal has become. I love that I’m excited about something artsy/crafty again.

God has been teaching me a lot these days about being calm, gentle, and graceful under pressure; and being content and selfless in making choices.

You know, stuff that great mothers are made of.

And it’s terrifying because it doesn’t feel like a long time ago when I was the baby of the house, and everyone attended to my needs, and all I had to think about was myself.

I was always restless—my feet always needing to go somewhere, my mind wandering in another country, my hand itching to book plane tickets or to swipe my credit card to buy something I already have a dozen of.

But now that my 5-month bump is growing bigger and bigger each week, and my husband and I are crossing the 1-year mark as a married couple, I find myself learning more and more to put other people’s lives on top of my own.

Most of all, I’m learning to let go of old dreams to make room for these new ones.

I sometimes worry about what kind of mother I’m going to be like. I do know what kind of mother I DON’T want to be, I think that one’s easier to figure out. But when I think about the kind of mother I want to be and how far I am from being that person, I panic like you have no idea.

This morning, this passage popped up from the pages of my Bible, and I think I’ll be mulling over these words for the next couple of days:

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. (Proverbs 3:3)

Love and faithfulness, that’s it! As I try to move towards becoming the best Mommy I can be, I know love and faithfulness is exactly where I have to start.

Deep breaths.

Week 18: All I Think About is Food

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It’s Friday, about a couple of minutes before the work day ends and the weekend begins, and all I can think about is.. food.

My food cravings this past few weeks, on Instagram.

It’s like I have two hungry monsters inside of me! These days, I particularly like sweet stuff and korean food. I was a little worried about getting gestational diabetes because of the sweets, but as far as my last medical test is concerned, my sugar levels are perfectly normal. Yay.

I feel like I should have gained over 30 pounds already with all the food I consumed, but for some reason, I’ve only gained 10 pounds. Does that mean the babies are absorbing all the calories out of me (which is good, right)? Or does it mean I should eat more?

Coz I don’t mind eating more. Really. :)

Have a great weekend, you!