The Happy and Sad Parts of Christmas

Christmas 2021. I have a thing for Christmas. As a (Filipino) pastor’s kid, I grew up in an environment where Christmas is celebrated in a huge way. Christmas hymns blasted from our car stereo as soon as the “ber” months began; my Mom would wrap a bazillion presents for every cousin, every kid, and every family we know; all Sundays of December were booked months ahead with church festivities, multiple Christmas parties, family reunions, you name it. We had a schedule that would put Santa’s Google calendar to shame, not that we were taught to believe in Santa. And young Rhiza looked forward to all of it and thought Christmas was the best thing ever.

Everything drastically shifted when my Dad passed in 2006. As a young (ish) single woman, my heart was ripped apart, leaving behind a daddy-shaped hole that I tried to fill with stuff that never measured up. I have recollections of bittersweet Christmas gatherings, gazing longingly at an empty seat. And even as I was surrounded by an overwhelming love from friends and family, not to mention a mother who’s played both parental roles to the best of her abilities, there is no denying the sadness that simply.. hovered over everything.

I remember a particular Christmas where I slept my way through the entire holiday, thanks to an imported bottle of sleep aids from CVS. For the first time in my life I understood the melancholy of Christmas, why some of the most played Christmas songs are sad songs, why suicide rates are particularly high in what should be the most wonderful time of the year. The pressure to be festive is upon all of us, the internal struggle is real.

And yet again everything shifted when David, Dawn & Rain were added into my life.

A new purpose rekindled my Christmas spirits, to create new traditions and make the season magical for our daughters while I can, for as long as I can.

I found a new passion for wrapping up presents, listing down new Christmas movies to watch, adding new ornaments to the tree, finding new meaning to old Christmas songs. I started looking forward to Christmas mornings again, excited to hear Dawn and Rain’s squeals of delight when they open their gifts (“this is the best gift ever!,” says Rain, at every gift she opens), unicorns and pop-its, another shiny backpack, another box of stationery, more art supplies, new pairs of kicks.

This time around, Christmas is not only merry and bright, it is nuanced by loss and grief and a realization that the space our loved ones vacated in our lives will never be replaced by new people or new memories.

* * *

When I was younger I thought sadness cancelled happiness. What I didn’t understand then was how these polar concepts could co-exist.

I suppose that’s the kind of understanding gained only through time, and through pain.

When David’s Mama passed on this year, I thought I already knew how to navigate grief and to support him through it. Been there, done that, right? It took a minute to realize that grief is as fragile and as unique as a snowflake. No grief is ever the same, people cope differently, and when we add the mechanics of a global pandemic into the mix, we find that we have to learn to let go and to grieve in a new way too.

This Christmas we all fought the fight of being grateful for what we (still) have in the midst of longing for what was lost.

We learned, collectively, that grief comes in waves. One minute it feels like a heartache that crushes us from the inside, triggered by something as trivial as an empty seat, a Bible verse, his old necktie still hanging by an old closet, her favorite Christmas song.

And for a brief moment, we let the tears freely flow. We allow ourselves to remember the last Christmas we spent with them, the last present we gave and received, the last memory, the last photograph.

And if we’re given the space, we talk about them, we relive all the vivid details all over again like we haven’t before, and we laugh as we wipe the tears.

And then an overwhelming peace washes over us, and we acknowledge that the immeasurable pain we feel is proof that we loved.

There’s an old lesson to be learned here. A reminder to hold our loved ones tighter, literally if we could, and if we couldn’t, hold space for them in our hearts.

To love without conditions, even when it’s tempting to be angry, or bitter, or indifferent.

To be kind because everyone is fighting a tough battle.

To treasure each Christmas as if it’s the last.

* * *

This year has taught us that the things we thought couldn’t co-exist actually should. Sadness and happiness, absence and presence, grief and joy.

I don’t know who needs to hear this now but it’s okay to make space for both. Because the truth is, we cannot really, profoundly and fully, experience nor understand one without the other.

I wasn’t planning to write about grief when I started this post but I suppose it’s impossible to write about Christmas 2021 any other way.

We wish you and your family good tidings of comfort and joy this Christmas and the year ahead! Merry Christmas.

Photographs by Sheila Catilo.

Behind the Scenes of a Christmas Photograph

Christmas 2020. Behind the one family photo that makes the proverbial Christmas postcard are a dozen outtakes and stories.

This was us last year, Christmas 2020, at the height of the pandemic. We had been under lockdown for almost a year—and in the Philippines no less, the worst place in the whole world to be during a pandemic.

I remember that day feeling like not wanting to bother to take photographs because who has the energy to take photographs? And wasn’t that the story of 2020? Languishing, if I may, where everyone was stuck all year “doing nothing” and yet, there’s very little energy to go around.

We fought the urge to languish that day and, thank God, mustered enough strength to step out of our pajamas, take out the tripod, dust off the camera, and take a few shots.

Here we are a year later and I’m glad we took the time to memorialize the strangeness of that particular Christmas.

I want to remember as much of that day as I can—

Pushing bedroom furniture around so we can convert this corner into a makeshift studio.

The Christmas pine tree (and all of its ornaments and twinkle lights) that became a permanent fixture in that room all year.

The crooked teeth and cheeky smiles.

The midi-dresses that are now mini dresses.

The banter with the 8-year-olds.

The cuddles and tickles.

Today I look at these photographs from Christmas of 2020, grateful for everything they represent—

The grace to live another day, another year.

The bubble that kept us healthy, safe, and together.

The breath in our lungs, the hope in our hearts.

The blissful faith of a child, unfazed by what’s going on in the world.

The flickers of light in the midst of the dark.

The remembrance that no matter how bleak the year was with seemingly no end in sight, there is always, ALWAYS, something to smile and laugh about.

Read more ruminations about 2020

Wrapping up the Past Decade in a Bow

A tad too late to the decade-ender party but as always taking my time to process it allthe decade that has passed, the new one that has just begun. I started writing this post in December, only to write up the last paragraph while in quarantine. Ha! I’ll save the quarantine thoughts for another post, this one is dedicated to the decade that was.


If you told me at the end of 2009 that I’ve already met the man I was going to marry and that he and I would be raising twin daughters 3 years later, I would have laughed (or ugly cried) in disbelief. I was 26 years old, moving on from a bad breakup, unhappy with my job, ending an apartment lease and not knowing yet where to move next, basically crying myself to sleep at night and wallowing in self-pity.

2009 was not exactly the best of years for me, and let me just add that it was also the year I contracted H1N1. Needless to say, I could not wait for 2009 to be over.

And so when 2010 began, it felt like God forced a restart button in my life.

I wish I could say I let Him freely do it. The truth is, I fought hard, resisted, complained, refused to let go, and drove myself to a dead end and right through the cliff. But because it felt like it couldn’t really get any worse than that, there was also no way to go but up.

Fast forward to a decade later, the start of 2020, I honestly couldn’t have predicted that this is the life God was setting me up for.

I still sometimes stare at my sleeping daughters, weirded out that they’re mine. And I still often catch myself staring at David with a dorky smile on my face, remembering that he’s the same 17-year-old boy who sang me love songs and wrote me love letters from thousands of miles away and yes, he’s your husband, silly, for 8 years now.

As much as I’d like to avoid making this a rehash of our love story, it’s just impossible to ponder upon the past 10 years apart from David. After all, 2010 was when it all began—the one-way ticket, the saying of I do’s, the union of two lives. Our calendars and closet spaces and wallets and dreams have been tightly intertwined since.

Somehow between the years 2010 to 2019, David and I became husband and wife, life partners, business partners, parents to twin daughters, homeschoolers, him a Registered Nurse, me a mother.

And somehow in those years, said twin daughters grew, crawled, started walking, started talking non-stop, started homeschooling, turned 7 years old, and last time I checked, started losing baby teeth.

But as with any significant and meaningful growth, we had to go through seemingly endless stretching, and pruning, and wrestling with God, and getting back up on our feet, and healing, and moving forward. Rinse, repeat.

The decade is marked with itineraries that didn’t materialize, calendars that kept changing, bucket lists left unchecked, empty suitcases stored at the back of the closet indefinitely. There was a lot of dreaming and letting go of those dreams. A lot of waiting and working hard for a YES but getting a NO instead.

In retrospect, all of this growth is not possible without having to let go of old dreams to make room for new ones, and without letting God close doors so we can step into new ones — and only the best ones.

For me, 2010 felt like a hard restart. And now, 2020 feels just like it.. but on steroids.

Seriously though, 2020 is something else huh?? This pandemic, this lockdown, the natural (and man-made!) calamities striking the world at all sides, there’s really no knowing how this new decade is going to play out and how to navigate it.

All I know is, a decade from now the twins will be 18, and David & I will have more white hairs and wrinkles, hopefully still strong enough (and feeling young enough) to keep chasing dreams, and maybe living some of those old dreams.

And God! God will still be good, and He will still be God. And for all the things I don’t know about this new decade, the certainty of His goodness is good enough for me.

Take that, 2020.

Thank you, Jamie, for these photographs.

How I Want to Remember this Christmas

Christmas 2019.

“Best Christmas ever!”, says my daughter mid-jump, eyes twinkling bright like the northern star.

I may have said something like “woohoo!” but deep inside I tried to recall past Christmasses and, taking my daughter’s declaration too seriously, secretly doubted that #Christmas2019 was our best one.

The other day my husband and I were talking about the ordinariness of this Christmas. It’s really not that bad, to be honest. It’s just mostly uneventful and maybe even forgettable.

Sure there were pancakes in the morning, Christmas carols on loop all day, late-night Christmas movies. But some Christmas traditions were amiss, no out-of-town holidays, no advent calendar, no homecooked meals, not a lot of Christmas shopping or partying. Most of this was because I had to work through the Christmas break, which means I was pretty much holed up in front of my laptop, with little energy left for merry-making when the work hours were over. (Shout out to David and my Mom for holding the ~Christmas~ fort when I couldn’t.)

As a mother who wants to create memorable Christmasses for her kids while they’re still young, I have to admit I worried a lot about not being able to give them something worth remembering this year.

Then again, this is why “grownups” don’t always know better, and why it sometimes feels like children know something we don’t. In retrospect, there’s a reason why the Messiah came in the form of an unassuming child, in a stable, on an ordinary day.

We tend to think we need to offer Him myrrh, frankincense, and gold because that’s what the wise men did. In the same way, we focus too much on splurging on expensive gifts and planning the best holiday trips, thinking that these are the stuff that “the best Christmas ever” is made of.

I learn it doesn’t really take so much to make Christmas memorable for the kids—just some extended cuddle times, a new pair of fluffy slippers, a stack of pancakes, Christmas carols all day, store-bought cookies, our presence, our love, our time.

And this is exactly how I want to remember Christmas this year.

That somehow, for all its ordinariness and for everything it seems to lack, my daughters still think it’s “the best Christmas ever.”

What a humbling experience, to receive this kind of grace that children are capable of giving so generously and effortlessly. And, ultimately, to receive this amazing grace of a good, good Father who simply loves us for all our ordinariness. Every day of the year.

Thank you Jamie, for these beautiful keepsakes to remember this Christmas by. We love and will forever cherish every single one of them!


Family lifestyle photography by Jamie Mapagu.

And Just Like That, Dawn and Rain are 7

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

[su_row][su_column size=”1/3″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/3″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/3″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

Hanging by the door of their classroom in Kids Church, a signage goes “Pre-school: 4-6 Years Old”. One Sunday afternoon, as we were picking them up after the church service, our conversation went something like this—

“Mom, what happens when we turn 7 years old? We can’t go to Kids Church anymore?”
“What do you mean? Why not?”, I asked.
“Because the sign on the door says ‘4-6 years old!”

Ohhh yeah. Good thinking. And thanks for the reminder, kids.

Although Dawn and Rain are already Grade 1 in homeschool, we kept them in their pre-school class in Kids Church per habit. We’ve been dropping them off that room every Sunday for the past year or so, it just didn’t occur to us that they’re supposed to join the tweeners (7-12 year old kids) soon.

How does something as trivial as moving up to the next class stir so many feelings in a mother’s heart anyway?

And so last Sunday, as they officially turned 7, we threw them a little surprise birthday party in their pre-school class and took the opportunity to let them say a proper goodbye to their friends and teachers there.

It felt like a rite of passage of sorts. The end of an era and the beginning of a new one. Like closing your favorite chapter so far in this book you couldn’t quite put down—you turn the next chapter with sheer curiosity, excited to know what happens next but not wanting the story to end.

Cue the tears. And that Michael Buble song.


Turning 7 years old

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

Everything’s changing! I know kids outgrow all the things all the time, but 7 feels like a huge leap.

Clothes they’ve been wearing for the last 3 years suddenly don’t fit anymore so we’ve been slowly building up their new wardrobe. (In classic #TitasofManila fashion, yung one-size-bigger para tumagal!) And so, in a funny way, these days everything in their closet is either too small or too big.

Clothing situation aside, we’ve boxed up more books and toys than ever before. Preferences are shifting, conversations changing.

For the first time, Rain is okay with discarding some of her toys, when, wasn’t it just yesterday when she begged to “keep all of her toys forever“? Last month we passed by a store in the mall and for the first time, Dawn took interest in toy makeup, accessories, and nail polish. (What is going on?)

And yet, some things remain the same.

They still love dolls, and books, and dresses, and milk + cereals for breakfast. And cuddles! They still love cuddles. (Which makes this momma so happy.)

They still love tagging along wherever we go, riding trains, walking around the neighborhood, and although they started to say “no thank you” to grocery runs, they still in general love doing things with us.

There is definitely a lot more talking, and asking questions, and negotiating, and joking around. (7-year-old humor is hilarious!) There’s still a lot of playing, and singing, and silly dancing, and laughing, and even though they started reading on their own now, we all still enjoy some good bedtime read-alouds.

There’s a lot more individuality and personality shining through. One twin loves math and technology; the other one loves music and arts. One twin loves being right in the center of the party, the other one warms up easier in smaller groups.

I miss them being babies and toddlers but age 7, oh my heart, this age is special. Every age has its own magic, for sure, but I’m here to report that as your child turns 7, you can still absolutely say that each year is still better than the last.


Magical Spaces, Magical Year

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

Along with turning 7 comes the purging of things and the transitioning of spaces.

The purging was intense! We KonMari’d the heck out of their toys and books. There was so much to declutter, the process took us days. But once the room was clean and ready, everything was a breeze!

Since we wanted to surprise them on their birthday, we woke up early and quietly decorated their space while they were sleeping. Took some ninja moves but overall it was a successful setup.

We had the balloons delivered early in the morning. There’s a box of Spinkie decors all ready to put up. Crates and baskets of new books hidden in the storage.

5 days before their birthday, we were in Spinkie’s anniversary celebration which Dawn and Rain really enjoyed, so they were ecstatic to wake up and see some of that Spinkie magic brought into their own little space.

By now the balloons have popped and the confetti thrown away, but Spinkie’s Dream Canopy, Dolls, and Garlands are the party decors that you can keep throughout the year!

You’ll notice in earlier posts that we had Spinkie’s Sheer Canopy (in Mist) for the longest time, draped on top of the twins’ bed. But this new season calls for something new and the Dreamy Canopy (in Champagne) completely transformed the space!

You can just imagine all the reading time and storytelling and happy memories we’ve already had in this corner of the house, and we’re not even done yet! Their bedroom is still a work in progress. Watch this space as we continue to share progress with you guys.

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

Happy 7th birthday, Dawn and Rain! We may have set up this magical space for you on your birthday but YOU TWO are the real magic in our lives. We love you!

Shoutout to Mutya and the rest of the Spinkie team for helping us make this possible, but most of all for inspiring imagination and creativity in our daughters and in children everywhere.


Shop Dawn & Rain’s Reading Nook

Reading Nook for Girls

Decors: Spinkie’s Dreamy Canopy and in Champagne, Pom Garland in White and in Champagne, Star Garland in Gold, Baskets and Crates from Common Room; Faux Fur Rug from Landmark.
Toys: Dreamy Doll Tala, Dreamy Doll Marikit, and other Spinkie dolls we collected through the years.


About Spinkie

Over the past 3 years, Spinkie has built a homegrown brand that was able to resonate with a global audience.

Most people online think of Spinkie as an Australian or British brand but they are, in fact, a global brand that has its roots in the Philippines. Spinkie is proud to support a growing community of Filipino Moms who lovingly sew its products and an international community of Moms who sell their products in their own countries, each one of them caring for their children the way they desire as they build their own careers at the same time.

Today, Spinkie is in 21 counties with over 65 stockists globally, upholding its vision to make magical spaces that aim to create more meaningful memories for both parents and kids.

Get Daily Dose of Spinkie Inspiration

Instagram | FacebookWebsite


[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]

Part 1

Our Spinkie Story

[/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]

Part 2

Magical Spaces with Spinkie

[/su_column][/su_row]


Full disclosure: This series of essays is written for Spinkie. We’ve been happy Spinkie customers since 2012 and therefore personally purchased and collected many Spinkie products through the years. All opinions are my own and most photos in this blog, unless otherwise stated, are also ours. :)

Dreamy Dresses and Magical Spaces with Spinkie

Magical Spaces with Spinkie[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]Magical Spaces with Spinkie[/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]Magical Spaces with Spinkie[/su_column][/su_row]

Magical Spaces with Spinkie[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]Magical Spaces with Spinkie[/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]Magical Spaces with Spinkie[/su_column][/su_row]Magical Spaces with Spinkie

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

[su_row][su_column size=”1/3″ center=”no” class=””]

[/su_column][su_column size=”1/3″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][su_column size=”1/3″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row][su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

A Spinkie event, you say? Expect magic and whimsy and all things dreamy. Also, photo-worthy spaces, everywhere you point your camera.

It’s been two weeks now since Spinkie’s 9th-year anniversary celebration and here we are, still talking about it. Dawn and Rain are still raving about the party, drawing canopies and rainbows and unicorns, and me, well, I’m still sifting through photographs. (We have A LOT!)

If you read the previous post, you already know that Spinkie holds a special place in our life as a family. So special that I occasionally (and unapologetically) wax poetic about it. :)

As we watch our daughters grow, in a way it feels like watching Spinkie grow as a brand too.

We’re very happy to have witnessed what went down at Green Sun Hotel last 10.19.19, especially as we were also celebrating our daughters’ 7th birthday this October. Not gonna lie, the twins did feel a bit like it was their own party! Haha.

Dawn and Rain had so much fun playing around all the magical spaces set up around the event venue. And we all enjoyed watching them, adorable Spinkie girls, work the runway in their “fairy dresses”.


Mutya

Meeting Mutya

Meeting Mutya in person for the first time felt like meeting an old friend. Through the years I’ve interacted with her and her team online, exchanging DMs and emails every once in a while.

I remember that one time, a few years ago, when we lost one of our Bitbit dolls on a trip. I frantically emailed their team knowing Rain would be devastated once she found out we lost her Bun-bun (that’s what she calls it). Mutya made sure to have someone accommodate my rush order, which was something I truly appreciate.

It didn’t take a while for Rain to notice her missing bunny and was very sad and worried. A few days later a new Bitbit was delivered to our doorstep, and everything was alright in the world again.

Isn’t it funny how mothers like us can instantly connect and bond over these seemingly little things?

I encourage y’all to get to know the story and the people behind the brands you support, and the products you purchase for yourself and for your kids. We’re all prone to aimlessly buy and hoard things. I learned that being intentional in our purchases and knowing the causes and the people we support puts so much more value into the items we surround ourselves with and use every day.

Listening to Mutya talk about Spinkie’s story and how they happened to have created this global community of women helping women is nothing short of inspiring.

10.19.19. All the magic we normally see on Instagram came to life for a day in their anniversary celebration. Here are some of the event’s highlights, and the latest happenings in the magical world of Spinkie—


The launch of Spinkie Wear

Think real-life fairy dolls. That’s how I would describe this first collection of dresses by Spinkie Wear. Inspired by its very own doll collection, every piece is made with love, and silk, and tulle, and the same tasteful and timeless style that made Spinkie the global brand that it is today.

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

Spinkie Wear photos courtesy of Sweet Escape and Game Changer

You’ll love seeing your little fashionistas and ballerinas in these classic pieces, and dressing up as their favorite Spinkie doll!

Shop Spinkie Wear Dresses and Accessories Here


A Rare Spinkie Popup

I’ve never seen this many Spinkie toys and decors in one place! From its classic Bitbit the Rabbit line, to the Cafe Delice collection, to all these Dreamy Dolls, Princesses, Fairies, and Unicorns. The gang’s all here!

These Spinkie Popup photos courtesy of Sweet Escape and Game Changer

Dawn and Rain (and their mommy!) wanted to take home everything, but we ended up getting—no surprise here—the Princess Bunnies, these two specifically, plus some decorative pieces for their room. Thanks to Spinkie, we also took home some dolls from the Cafe Delice collection, which the twins are also crazy about!

Shop Spinkie’s Toy Collection Here


Magical Spaces with Spinkie

We’ve all seen and loved Spinkie’s signature Dreamy Canopy, but these sheer Teepees debuted and, needless to say, the kids and mommies are very happy!

[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

One of the most recent additions to Spinkie decorative pieces, these lightweight, multi-purpose Teepees are easy to set up in any room and can instantly transform a space. The colors are beautiful.

Shop Spinkie’s Decors Here


[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]Dawn & Rain and Spinkie[/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””][/su_column][/su_row]

We’re taking some of this Spinkie magic into our own home!

Back home, we’ve been purging Dawn & Rain’s toys, clothes, books, and spaces, especially now that they’re 7 years old and entering a new season.

These little humans, they grow so fast! Sooo fast. I’m perpetually catching my breath! Thankfully, these Spinkie decorative pieces transcend age. So whether you’re decorating a nursery or a toddler room or a school kids’ room, you can never go wrong with Spinkie decors and toys here and there. Dawn and Rain’s room has been a work in progress so far, but you’ll see a glimpse of that here on the blog soon, too. ;)


About Spinkie

Over the past 3 years, Spinkie has built a homegrown brand that was able to resonate with a global audience.

Most people online think of Spinkie as an Australian or British brand but they are, in fact, a global brand that has its roots in the Philippines. Spinkie is proud to support a growing community of Filipino Moms who lovingly sew its products and an international community of Moms who sell their products in their own countries, each one of them caring for their children the way they desire as they build their own careers at the same time.

Today, Spinkie is in 21 counties with over 65 stockists globally, upholding its vision to make magical spaces that aim to create more meaningful memories for both parents and kids.

Get Daily Dose of Spinkie Inspiration

Instagram | FacebookWebsite


[su_row][su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]

Part 1

Our Spinkie Story

[/su_column] [su_column size=”1/2″ center=”no” class=””]

Part 3

Dawn and Rain Turns 7

[/su_column][/su_row]


Full disclosure: This series of essays is written for Spinkie. We’ve been happy Spinkie customers since 2012 and therefore personally purchased and collected many Spinkie products through the years. All opinions are my own and most photos here, unless otherwise stated, are also ours. :)